"Dangerously"

Her phone buzzed and she grabbed it quickly before it buzzed again and woke him.  She disabled the alarm and looked over at him lying on his stomach with his arms sprawled out, his nose deep in the pillow.  She wanted to kiss his cheek but didn’t want to wake him as he lay there sleeping as she imagined he did when he was a child with not a care in the world.  His lashes, so long, they curved against his cheek.

She slipped out of bed, her sock clad feet making a soft thud on the floor and grabbed the clothes she’d laid out on the bench, getting dressed softly.

Rasta, her dog, lifted his head and looked at her, put his head back down and repositioned for sleep.

In the bathroom she brushed her teeth and washed her face, pulling her hair back into a loose ponytail and then headed to the kitchen to make breakfast.  Grits, scrambled eggs, and Canadian bacon.  She put a plate in the microwave covered just as Rasta decided to come see what she was up to and she handed him a piece of bacon. 

He sniffed it and turned around, walking out of the kitchen.

She laughed at how finicky her pooch was.

After she scribbled him a note, she placed it on his nightstand and, she couldn’t resist.  She bent down and kissed him softly on his cheek.  He moaned gently and put his nose deeper into the pillow.  She was almost out the door when he realized she wasn’t in bed next to him.

“Hey.”  He said slowly.  “Where are you going?”  He looked at the clock.  “It’s six in the morning.”

“I know.  I’m sorry but I promised a friend I’d help out at a food bank.  I’ll be back before noon.”  She went back to the bed and sat on it.  He lifted a muscular arm and pulled her down sitting up in the process.

“So…you volunteer too huh?”

“Yes, you knew that.”  He was nuzzling her cheek.

“Why didn’t you ask if I wanted to go?”

“Because every time you’re visiting you sleep until noon.”

“Oh…you think I don’t have what it takes?”

She kissed the inside of his hand.  “Well, you hands ARE kinda soft and manicured.  You know how you celebrities are….used to folks doing for you.”

“Yeah, whatever.  Don’t let the lights fool you.  Come on…I’m getting up.”

“Um…do you have to check with someone first?”

“Huh?”  He was getting out of bed.  His gray boxer briefs a contrast with his caramel skin. 

“I just don’t want any trouble.”

“I’m a grown azz man Steph.  I can do what I want to do.”

“Okay.  Like I said.  I don’t want any trouble.”

He got dressed quickly, noting the note on the nightstand.  “You made me breakfast?”

“Of course.  Don’t I always?”

“Yes, but you did it before you were going to leave.”

“I didn’t want you to wake up and be hungry.”

He looked at her and smiled.  Walked over and kissed her on the forehead.  “Come on.  Let’s go so we can get back.”

“Oh…I was going to take the Metro.”

“So…we take the Metro.”

“Is that going to be okay?  You know…security wise?”

“Come on woman.  I’m not soft.”

After taking Rasta out for a bathroom break they walked the block up to the Metro station and hopped on headed for the city.  They shared a newspaper and read in silence until they had to change trains at Metro station.  They got off and headed downstairs when a young man recognized him.  “Yo man…aren’t you Dangerous?”

He nodded and smiled at the young man who promptly whipped out his cell for a picture. 

“Would you mind?”  he asked Steph.

“Of course not.”  And she stepped back and took the picture.

“Man we have to head out.  It was nice meeting you.”  He grabbed Steph’s hand and started walking off.

“Yo man, you mad cool.  Can’t believe Dangerous rides the Metro.”

As they made their way down more people recognized him and Steph found herself the unofficial photographer as people couldn’t believe one of their favorite celebrities was at the Metro just like they were. 

They missed two trains while he tried his best to politely depart from everyone’s questions and well wishes.  He kept Stephanie in his site the entire time noting how she stepped back to let him talk to people and didn’t have a problem taking pics for people.

When they finally got to where they were going he stopped and apologized.  “Maybe I shouldn’t have come with you, huh?”

“It’s okay.  It’s who you are.  I’m okay with that.”

At the food bank she walked in and grabbed two shower cap things and two plastic aprons.

“Here.” 

“Huh?” 

“You have to wear this.”

“You’re serious?”

“Yes.  I’m serious.  And you have to wear this apron and gloves at all times.  Okay?”

“The things I do for you ma’am.”

She giggled and helped him get “dressed.”  They walked into the kitchen area where food was being sorted and they got to work.  Everyone was hard at work so no one noticed him and he got into the swing of things and no one noticed him. 

Two hours later he found himself alone and walked around the corner to where he’d seen Steph go.  She was dragging a large plastic container of can goods and had her head down.  He watched her for a minute and walked over to her and picked it up.

“Where do you want this?”  he asked her.

“Over where we were working.”

They walked over to the stainless steel table.  “I don’t want you trying to move something this heavy again okay?”  He put container down.

She looked at him with no expression on her face.  “Okay.”

Quietly he watched as she started taking the cans out of the container, wiping them off with a damp cloth.    He caught her hand.  “I love you.”  He stated mater-of-factly.

“Huh?”

“I love you.”

“How do you know?”  she whispered.

“I don’t know.  I just do.  It's a feeling.  Like...right now...I feel like I won't be able to breathe again if I ever lost you.”  He stared down at her.

“Hey!  See!  I told you that was Dangerous!”  yelled the young man leading the group of people heading their direction.

- See more at: http://creoleindc.typepad.com/rantings_of_a_creole_prin/2007/11/dangerously.html#more

"Wifey"

Even in a crowd of people you always notice the one who is staring at  you.  It's a feeling...a prickle in your peripheral that alerts you to someone paying a bit too much attention to you.  At least it does after you've been through what she's been through.

The culprit this time was a woman.  She seemed average enough to the common eye.  But to her...she could see the deliberate casualness of her.  She knew that she thought long and hard about what she was going to wear today and coupled it with a bag only one in the know would recognize.

Checkmate.

The woman couldn't have been more than 5'3" and yet she commanded attention.  The sheen in her hair was natural, the flow of her curls well pedicured.  This woman moved with ease and got what she wanted.  She walked over to her looking her in the eye.  She never sped up or slowed down.  Folks just sensed to get out of her way.

"Your pictures in the papers didn't do you justice.  You're a very pretty young lady."

Shit...here we go again with them damn tabloid pictures.

"Thank you."  She made to move away.

"I'd like to buy you lunch.  I'm a friend of Tariq's and before  you ask...no...he doesn't know I'm here."

She paused, glanced at the woman who was about to ruin her time out of the office.  "Why?  Are you one of his baby mama's or something?"  She curled her lip.

She laughed.  "Princess, please believe, that although I'm a mother all day, everyday.  I'm NOBODY's baby mama.  Shall we?"

And Madison followed her, not really knowing why but feeling secure that this woman couldn't hurt her in downtown DC and, she had to admit, she was curious as to where this chapter of her saga with Tariq was taking her.

"I called Tony at The Palm.  Is that okay?"

"Sure.  Um...shouldn't you tell me your name..you already know mine?"

"I'm so sorry, where are my manners.  My name is Bianca, but everyone calls me Ms. B."

She sighed. "So, are you a rapper too?"

Ms. B. laughed.  "Nope, but my husband is.  He's one of Tariq's best friends."

"Oh.  Shelton?  Shelton is a rapper?"

"Did he let you call him Shelton?"

"Yes."

"Those boys are a mess."  She laughed loudly and they walked in silence and before long rounded the corner and walked under the awning of The Palm.  A gentleman  walking out held the door for them and Tony greeted them personally and led them to one of the booths on the back right where the most powerful sat.  Everyone looked up briefly trying to place them and then looked down again. 

"I love the pickle's here."

"So do I.  Why are you here?"

"Well, I just kinda wanted to meet you.  My husband thinks very highly of you and Tariq is pretty broken up over how things have been."

"Yeah, I know.  I got an email from a gossip site  with pics of him in Vegas showing just how broken up he is."

"Those pics were taken over a year ago.  Tariq has been in our Soho apartment alone since you found out and left him."

"And why should I believe that?"

"Why shouldn't you?  You should never believe anything the gossips say dear.  They don't get paid if they don't get traffic.  And if they don't have anything juicy or nasty...they don't get traffic.  You're a lawyer...do the math."  Ms. B. picked up her water and took a dainty sip.  The black diamond on her right hand blinked at her.

"Well, I know what I know for sure.  Tariq lied to me from the very beginning.  I can't have that."

"I know.  And that's gotta be kinda tough for someone like you.  From what I hear, you're one of those sweet people who believes in good and all that.  You need to understand that Tariq lives in a world where he meets very few women like you.  Therefore, he's got to protect himself at all costs if he's going to put himself out there like that.  But I understand."

"Thanks."

"But, tell me this.  When are you going to tell him that you're pregnant with his child?"

Madison stopped.  Put her glass down and stood up...

- See more at: http://creoleindc.typepad.com/rantings_of_a_creole_prin/author_monica_mingo/page/2/#sthash.1NtxonDa.dpuf

"Periscope" - Chapter 2

More of "Periscope":

The thing I remember most about him is his smell.

It was better than the scent which came out of the bottle. I know because I bought the same scent he wears. It must be something about the oil in his skin or the lotion he wears too because all of it together creates an elixer that was always intoxicating to me.

I used to put my nose right in the crook of his neck and inhale deeply and slowly. Smiling softly on the exhale as my body relaxed against his. He used to let me do this as often as I wanted to...and then...slowly...he became irritated by it and would snatch himself away snapping "Okay!" in that way he had when he was annoyed and I took it...because I never knew when he'd let me inhale and then exhale without him pushing me away...so I'd try as often as possible.

Then I noticed it in bed.

Before, he would cuddle with me, his body curled around mine like a lion. He'd kiss me on the neck and talk to me long after we'd turned off the lights.

It got to the point where he'd jump when I touched him. Like my touch was heat...the searing kind...not the smouldering kind. His back seemed to always be to me. In bed, walking to the car, walking in the mall...he seemed to always want to be one step ahead of me. Always just right out of my reach so that folks had to wonder if we were together.

So yes...I knew long before he told me that it was over. That he didn't love me anymore. It was in the way he flinched at the sound of my voice. It was in the way he made less of a big deal about my birthday. It was in the fact that the last gift he gave me was something that I bought myself and he gave me the money to reimburse me.

Yes. I knew. I'm not stupid.

I watched him fall out of love with me as Winter turned into Spring and I grew to hate the sounds of life re-awakening. When he moved me out of our house...I left quietly. I gave him my key. Took it off the keychain right there in front of him and placed it gently on the counter. I didn't need it anymore.

Because I'd made duplicates of all his keys three months prior including his car key and the key to his mother's house. I had the key to his office and the key to the house he still lived in with HER. I had the key to his brother's house and the key to his file cabinet in his office.

I've hurt enough...tomorrow...I'm getting fucking even. Revenge might not be best for most...but it's all I've dreamed of. Once he has paid...then I'll move on. But.Not.Before.

- See more at: http://creoleindc.typepad.com/rantings_of_a_creole_prin/author_monica_mingo/page/2/#sthash.1NtxonDa.dpuf

"Ma Cherie"

"I AM SORRY YOU'RE SO DAMN MISERABLE! I AM SORRY YOUR LIFE IS SO DAMN HARD! I AM OH SO SORRY THAT YOU HAVEN'T HAD WHAT YOU AND THOSE IDIOTS YOU SURROUND YOURSELF WITH THINK IS THE TRUE BLACK EXPERIENCE JUST BECAUSE YOUR FAMILY ISN'T POOR!

How dare you let them call you DJ when your name has been passed down for generations to the first grandchild born. HOW DARE YOU! How dare you walk in here and turn your nose up to all things that comprise our family's values. You think you're not REAL because your family isn't suffering? You don't know suffering.

You listen to me you little ungrateful wench. You are a Toussaint and we Toussaints have been proud of our heritage and our accomplishments since time began. You turn your back on your responsibilities and you turn your back on all that you are and I'll be DAMNED if you bring shame upon this family just so you can continue to claim some hood status that you could NEVER claim!"

"Mom...why do you have to make a big deal out of everything? This is not a responsibility! I just don't want to do this stupid Charity Ball thing!"

"You are doing it and that's final. If you want to give away your inheritance to help the poor and needy to absolve yourself of your privaledged guilt then that's exactly what should do when you've turned 25 and have access to it. For now...you will do as your father and I say. If you do NOT show up for your lessons accordingly then we will assume that means you are ashamed of your family and will take it upon ourselves to let your grandparents know immediately. Your trip will be cancelled and you will have to pay for every single thing you want or need including college." She pierced her daughter with her eyes and picked up her coffee mug, taking a sip. "Don't play with me young lady and don't think for a second that you're the only female in this family that has tried to revolt. When I tried it, your grandmother sent me to Lake Charles for the summer and when your Aunt Trudi tried it she was sent to work in a drycleaners everyday after school for a month."

And she walked out of the kitchen leaving her daughter speechless behind her.

- See more at: http://creoleindc.typepad.com/rantings_of_a_creole_prin/author_monica_mingo/page/2/#sthash.1NtxonDa.dpuf

"College Girl"

She'd been saving her money now for six years. It was in a bank account and she kept the book hidden. The monthly statements came to her post office box at Mailboxes, etc. and she never told anyone about what she was doing because she knew if she did...they'd find a way to get her money.

THEY were her Aunt and cousin of whom she'd lived with for the past eight years...since the 4th grade. She felt like Cinderella except at least they cared about where Cinderella was. Her Aunt and cousin didn't. They thought she was off doing what her cousin was doing...messing around with boys and goofing off.

She wasn't.

She'd been working since she met Mrs. Breedlove down at the old folks home. At first it was for a little cash every now and then...and when she was old enough...Mrs. Breedlove put her on the payroll and she got a check just like everybody else. Seemed wrong getting paid for doing what she loved doing. Seemed wrong getting paid for caring for those she loved.

They were her family. She had 21 grandparents. 15 grandmothers and 6 grandfathers.

She knew she was blessed. Cuz she could be like her cousin.

She'd saved $38,684.62. And she was going to college. She had a partial scholarship Mrs. Breedlove helped her get and she was leaving in two weeks. Two weeks to freedom. To a brand new her.

She'd had it all planned all of her life. She was going to go to one of those salons you saw on tv and get her hair done up real good. She'd been letting it grow...keeping it up in a bun for years because she wanted it to be long enough for the perfect college girl ponytail. Then...she was going shopping. She had a folder full of clothes that looked like college girls should look like and she was going to get everything she needed. She'd picked out her comforter set and towels and had them on layaway at TJ Maxx. Sure...she could have bought it already...but she didn't have anywhere to keep it.

She'd pick it up on her way out...in her new car, a second hand Volkswagon Beetle that looked just like a college girl's car should look.

She was ready.

She got to work that day early as she always did and she checked the schedule to see who would be on today. Noting that she was doing recreation that day, she went to the supply closet and got out a few games... Bingo, Connect Four, Checkers, Chess and went to the reck room.

When she opened the door they all yelled "SURPRISE!" and she cried and cried and cried.

She left that day of her going away party with a fist full of cards stuffed with money. About $300 extra dollars she hadn't counted on to add to her stash.

She was ready.

She was going to college.

- See more at: http://creoleindc.typepad.com/rantings_of_a_creole_prin/author_monica_mingo/page/2/#sthash.1NtxonDa.dpuf

"Roaring"

"Is there any more Gatoraid?"

"No, that was the last one. Come on, we'd better pack up."

The picnic was over. Their friends headed to campus and they headed to their rental house. Good times man. Good times.

When they got home the phone was ringing. Carla ran to get it. "Monnie it's for you!"

Monnie picked up the phone.

"Hello?"

"Monnie?"

"Hey Greg...what's up?"

"Monnie...you gotta go home."

"What?" pointing to Carla where to drop the cooler.

"My mother said something bad has happened at your parent's home. Police are surrounding it."

"What?"

"Yeah...they say your father is holding the police off with guns. You gotta go home."

OH MY GOD.

She hung up the phone and called home. The phone rang and rang. She hung up.

She called her Grandmother.

"Grandmother...what's wrong?"

"They say he done shot my baby. They say he done shot my baby."

She grabbed the keys to the car and ran to it. Carla ran out behind her. She couldn't speak. Wouldn't speak. She punched the accelerator and backed out. The Toyota squealing against the street.

She got on the interstate and drove the twenty minutes to her parents home. She didn't stop for any lights once she'd determined it was safe to continue through. Once she crossed the bridge she was in her town. No one would stop her and if they tried to she'd explain once she got home.

No one tried to stop her.

She turned to go to her parents neighborhood and noted there were no cars on the streets. She turned onto her street and saw the crowd. She continued on until she was almost there and jumped out the car and ran the rest of the way.

Neighbors were gathered. People she'd known all her life. All distraught, all crying. The street was blocked off by police. They recognized her. Everyone did. She was home and everyone knew her.

She noted her brother handcuffed to the fence. She was stopped by police. By an officer she'd known all her life.

"Monnie...I can't let you go in there."

Her brother was limp. Hanging by his wrist. He looked tired. Spent. Defeated.

"WHY IS HE HANDCUFFED! LET MY BROTHER GO! LET MY BROTHER GO!"

She tackled the police trying to restrain her.

"Monnie...they are gone. He...he...your father...he killed your mother...and then he killed himself. They are gone."

And the roaring in her ears started. She closed her eyes agains the darkness that followed. She bit her teeth together tight against the pain. Hands reached out to her. She never like being touched by anyone other than her parents. She shook them off but they tried to hold her. She did the only thing she knew how to do. The thing that ensured her place as an Iron Person on her company's team. She ran.

She ran and ran and ran. When she stopped she couldn't breathe. She couldn't get the words out of her head.

They are gone. They are gone. Killed mother...killed himself.

They are gone. They are gone. Killed mother...killed himself.

She screamed and fell to the ground.

That night after the bodies were removed she went inside her parent's home. The police had cut out the spot in the carpet where the blood from her father has spilled. The blood had seeped through the wood beneath. It was a dark spot like it would be forever wet. Blood doesn't separate well. The blood in the kitchen had been cleaned. You know...the blood from her mother. It took her five minutes to die. Five minutes of knowing she was dying. With half her beautiful face blown off. Splatters of her blood on the cabinets, on the pantry door, on the legs of the table.

She never went inside that house again and whenever she remembers it...that's the scene she remembers first. All of her memories are tainted. All the good follows the thought of the worst.

My name is Monnie to my family. You know me as Monica Mingo...as CreoleInDC. You send me emails asking me what's wrong when I'm down. You send me your holy roller testimonies and tell me to keep my chin up and that I'll shake it off. You ask me what's wrong.

I bet you won't ask no mo.

You wanna know what I think about when I'm all fucked up inside? I think about my father, smart, funny, wonderful...aiming his 357 at my mother and pulling the trigger and then turning it on himself. Then...I think of the five minutes it took her to die.

Sometimes...the roaring in my ears returns and I gotta sit quiet.

I bet you won't ask no mo.

Call your parents and tell them you love them. And be gotdamn glad you can.

Remember...even though I'm FABULOUS...even though I'm the SHIT...it ain't always pretty bruh. Believe that. (LOL...and folks wonder why I get so fuggin mad sometimes.)

Peace out.

Homie.

- See more at: http://creoleindc.typepad.com/rantings_of_a_creole_prin/author_monica_mingo/page/2/#sthash.1NtxonDa.dpuf

"Heavy"

It was hot.

So hot that when you looked down the street you saw the heat rising off of it and the tar looked shiny under the heat waves rising from it. It was so hot the wallpaper on the walls were sweating and she sat there and rocked while fanning herself with a fan she got from the Cleotis White's funeral last summer.

The ice in her glass shifted and clinked. She kept rocking and fanning. The television was on but she wasn't watching it. it was just on. She was just rocking and fanning. Cuz it was so hot. The backs of her legs were moist from sweating and stuck her to the chair. It was hot.

She looked at the corner of the wallpaper and noted it was coming apart. The corner was just dangling as if calling for someone to shake it's hand. She got up slowly with her eyes on the corner, walked over to it and reached up. She couldn't reach it so she pulled the milk crate she kept her "TV Guides" in over and stood on it. She pulled and the wallpaper came right off. She stood there with it in her hand, the weight of it bothering her for some reason. Agitating her that this heavy thickness was on her walls cloaking her further in heat.

She dropped it to the floor.

Grabbing hold of the next corner she pried it with her nail first and then pulled. This time it didn't come off in a whole strip and ended up being jagged instead. She kept prying and pulling. She stepped down from the milk crate and went to the kitchen to get a knife. Back up on her milk crate...she used the knife to create a section large enough for her to take hold of well and she continued on.

It was still hot and the exertion from her activity caused her to start sweating large tear sized sweat. She kept going, moving things away from the wall as she went. The brown plaid sofa, the rickety shelf with the ceramic pill boxes her Aunt had liked. Bless her soul.

She'd lived in this house since she was fourteen years old. She'd come to live with her Aunt after her mother died and when her Aunt died, she was all alone. She was 39 now. She'd be 40 in a month. This house was hers but not hers. It was a like a tomb, hot and swealtering, cloaking her in the past.

After surveying her work she walked to kitchen to get out a garbage bag and started putting the fallen wallpaper in it. She took the bag out in the afternoon heat and sat it by the road. The house looked a mess. She grabbed another garbage bag and scooped all of the stuff on shelves into it with her hands dragging long streaks into the dust. She drug out the rickety shelf, she drug out the upholstered chairs, she drug out the sofa, the claw foot oval coffee table, she stripped the windows of their heavy dark curtains, pulled the clear vinyl runner up off the carpet which left teeth marks in the carpet. One by one she took these things out by the road. She was sweating so badly her clothes were wringing wet. One by one she uprooted the contents of the room until it was empty.

It felt cooler standing there in the room free from clutter.

Light green. That's a cool color. That's the color these walls were screaming for. Some attention. Some feeling. This whole house was screaming to be cool again. To take off the heat cloaking mantle that it wore.

She grabbed her hammer using the back of it to carefully pry away the trim along the bottom of the walls. She knicked her hands, broke her nails and kept going. Ripping through all the coats of paint that stuck the trim to the wall in a bond thought to be forever. She took the trim to the road.

The carpet had to go too. The floors beneath screamed to be released, to be cool so she started pulling it up too. It proved to be too cumbersome to deal with as a whole so she grabbed the garden scissors as her Aunt used to call them and cut it up. When she got to the door leading to the hallway she thought about stopping but didn't. She kept going down the hall, removing old brass frames off the walls as she passed by them. Stacked the pictures on the floor in one of the rooms off the hall and kept going.

She drug the carpet out to the road.

It was eleven o'clock at night and still so hot it was thick. The mosquito's were busily buzzing at the light outside the door. She was ripe with smell as the sweat on her body had dried over and over again. When she scratched her mosquito bites under her fingernails were black. Her whole body was sore but even though the temperature hadn't dipped by much, she felt cooler. The house felt cooler. It was lighter. The pile out by the road included mostly all of the furniture from the house. She was tired. But she was cooler. She was lighter.

After she'd taken her shower she lay on the mattresses she'd kept and willed herself to sleep. Tomorrow she'd pull out the car and go to the bank and get some money. No worries there...she had lots of it. It was heavy too. Cloaked in death. When her mother died, she got money. When her Grandmother died, she got money. When her Aunt died, she got money. It was heavy. She was going to make it lighter.

It was time. She'd be 40 in a month.

- See more at: http://creoleindc.typepad.com/rantings_of_a_creole_prin/author_monica_mingo/page/2/#sthash.1NtxonDa.dpuf

"Fretting"

She made a right on Prospect Street and pulled up to her hotel on the right. Since it was so late she drove straight to the parking garage and found a parking spot close to the elevator being very conscious of her surroundings as she got out of the car retrieving both her briefcase and suitcase along with her purse.

She was tired as hell having spent two additional hours on the plane sitting on the runway waiting for a gate. Two hours she’d never get back when she really could have used the time to prep for her meeting.

“Welcome to La Valencia.”

“I’d like to check in please. The name is Madison Connelly.”

“Of course Ms. Connelly.” He typed into the computer. I see you’re staying with us for one night. If you just give me a credit card I will get you set up.”

She reached in her purse and pulled out her wallet, handing him a credit card. “Would you check to see if there is any availability for a massage around 8:00 am with Joan?”

“My apologies but Joan is on vacation and since it’s so late, there isn’t anyone in the spa to help me. I can set something up for you and let you know first thing in the morning regarding specifics if you’d like?”

“Excellent.” She picked up her keys and glanced at the room number. “Is this an ocean view with a balcolny?

“Yes ma’am, have a good night Ms. Connelly.”

“Thank you Brendan. You too.” And she wearily walked to the elevators pulling her bag behind her.

She was so tired she leaned against the wall of the elevator and closed her eyes until it stopped and slowly made her way to her room.

The first thing she did when she walked in was to open the door to the balcony. She loved the ocean so much that even though she couldn’t see it, the smell and the sound of it soothed her and she took a deep, cleansing breath and just stood there listening. Her mind whirling with the details in the proposal she’d wrote that was in her briefcase. The proposal she’d damn near memorized along with the answers to ever possible question that could be brought up regarding in the meeting. If she landed this contract, she’d be partner before the end of the year. Her employment contract was very specific regarding business development goals and this contract would put her exactly where she wanted to be financially.

She left the door open as she unpacked her bag. Took her suit out and hung it in the closet and put her toiletry bag in the bathroom. Turned on her laptop and got it set up wirelessly on the hotel’s system. Then…she sat on the bed and pulled out the proposal. She didn’t need to. She knew it backwards and forwards. This was it. This was what it all boiled down to. Put up or shut up.

She leaned back against the pillows and closed her eyes. She crossed her legs and the proposal slipped off onto the floor. She raised up and reached over the bed to pick it up from the floor.

The time was 11:38 pm and she decided to wash the plane dirt off of her and go to sleep. She contemplated closing the balcony doors but didn’t since she was so far up and in a corner room. She showered, brushed her teeth and washed her face, deciding to sleep with her hair down since she was going to wear it straight for her meeting so she’d have to wash it after her massage.

The last thought as she drifted off to sleep was what time she should wake up. Her meeting wasn’t until 11:30 and it was ten minutes away from the hotel. She had enough time to have her massage, blow dry her hair straight, get dressed and be ready. She was ready.

It was 6:15 am when she awoke and stretched. Whomever says Frette sheets weren’t worth the cost had never slept on them she thought and she got dressed to go run thirty minutes along the beach picking up her express checkout receipt from the floor in front of the door on her way out.

At 9:00 am she’d had a 60 minute massage that was just okay. She felt good, but not as good as when Joan did it.

By 10:30 am she was dressed and smiling. Confident that the reflection in the mirror was that of a partner in her firm. Confident at what she knew to be sure. Confident enough to do what needed to be done. She put the proposal back in her briefcase and sat on the edge of the bed to put her diamond studs in her ear at 10:34 am. She dropped one of them and her eye immediately went to the carpet to see where it landed. It bounced right to the end of the bed and rolled under. She dropped to the carpet and felt around, lifted the bedskirt and jumped back scurrying backwards away from the bed. She jumped up…grabbed her cell phone and ran out of the room leaving behind her briefcase, her earring, her purse, her keys. She got out to the hallway, knees trembling and she fell to the floor and started screaming.

Shaking she dialed 911. Doors to rooms started opening. She kept saying over and over and over…OHMYGOD, OHMYGOD, OHMYGOD!

The 911 operator asked what was her emergency.

“THERE IS A WOMAN…A DEAD WOMAN UNDER THE BED IN MY HOTEL ROOM!” she screamed into the phone.

Then…the thought of sleeping in the room with a dead woman became too much for her and she slipped out of consciousness.

- See more at: http://creoleindc.typepad.com/rantings_of_a_creole_prin/author_monica_mingo/page/2/#sthash.1NtxonDa.dpuf

"Loverly"

“So…any regrets?” she asked?

“Nope. Not a one.” He smiled, reaching over to hold her hand.

“Ten years, and you wouldn’t change a thing huh?”

“Not one thing. After ten years I’m still the happiest married man I know.”

“Unh huh. Even when I get after you for eating late night snacks?”

“Well, erra….”

“Frank!” she jerked her hand away laughing.

“Just kidding honey. No. Nothing. I love you.” He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a ring box, “In fact, I was hoping this would show you just how much I adore you and want to see you smile.”

She squealed clapping her hands together, lifted the lid on the box and sat back as the diamonds winked at her from the black velvet nest of a Boone and Sons ring box. She looked up at him speechless and he took the box from her, lifted the ring out of the cushion and slid it on her right hand ring finger.

“Oh my God Frank. I can’t believe…it’s so…ohmyGOD!”

He sat back and laughed. “I love that you love it.”

“How could I not? How much…I mean…how many carats is this?”

“Well, it’s about 3 total weight. Add that to the 3 in your ears and the 4 in your wedding set and you have on 10 carats. One carat for each year.” He grinned…proud of himself for doing something he thought was so cool.

She stood up and fell in his lap, kissing him and laughing. “You sweet, sweet man.”

He kissed her back and a few of the other patrons clapped as they both laughed and kissed.

“Um…honey…” he said against her lips, “Folks are staring.”

She stopped, stood and stooped down to pick up her napkin before she demurely returned to her seat with a huge, bashful grin on her face.

“I got you something too. But…well…I don’t know now.”

“Woman…you’d better give me my gift.” He growled.

She pulled a long box out of her purse. “It’s used. I’ve always wanted you to have one…but the prices are ridiculous so I had Mr. Diener look out for one for me.”

She handed the box to him and he lifted out the watch inside. “You bought me a Rolex???”

“It’s used honey.”

“AND??? That means you saved like ten thousand dollars! MY GIRL! WHOOHOOOO! That’s great! I love it! Wow!” He put it on, replacing his old watch with it, flicking his wrist so she could see it. He grabbed her hand and kissed it and she pulled her hand away with tears in her eyes.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry…I mean…I wish we’d had kids by now. I so wish you were a father.”

“Michelle…everything is as it should be. There is a reason for everything and please know…if I couldn’t have a child with you…I would have never wanted to be a father without you as the mother. You’re my wife...my life.”

She closed her eyes and steadied her center. Opened them and smiled a watery smile at her husband. His bald head gleaming, his smile soft, his gaze…steady. Her rock. She took a deep breath and said, “Come on…pay the check so we can get out of these stuffy clothes and into our pj’s.”

He laughed and signaled the waiter.

They paid the bill and stood to leave. He placed her wrap around her shoulders and they walked to the door. He nodded politely as another couple stepped into the restaurant before he could walk out behind his wife keeping his eye on her at all times. He noted as she pulled her wrap around her closer against the early chill of the night as she looked over her shoulder at him. As always, waiting patiently for him. That look in her eyes that told the world she followed his lead always. He stepped out and went to her, pulling her into his arms and kissing her, rubbing her arms.

“You cold baby?”

She looked up at him smiling. “No…it’s just a slight chill.”

He stepped to the left of her so that he was walking along the street like a man who has the protection of his woman at the forefront of his mind. They walked slowly, making small talk. She was laughing softly and reached up to tuck her hair behind her ear. The diamonds on her right hand he’d just given her for their anniversary sparkling in the glow from the street lights. It made him smile. She was so beautiful, he always marveled at the God that made it possible for him to be married to her for 10 years strong now.

They walked across the street at the crosswalk and continued on to get to the parking garage two blocks down.

“So, you really like your watch?”

“What? Of course I do. As my baby sister would say would say…it’s the HotNESS!” they both laughed at the way he rolled his neck emphasizing hot and then ness.

They were still making fun of his sister when he opened her door to their car.

“Say bruh, lemme hold your wallet for you.” A kid of about 16 was standing behind him holding a gun with a hood over his head. Michelle screamed and Frank stepped in front of her hiding her frame with his. She grabbed his arm.

“What the hell?” he yelped, startled like a pit bull who's foot was just stepped on.

“Nobody will get hurt if you just give up the wallet man.” The kid was shaking and looking around nervously.

“Young man, you don’t want to do this. Think about your future.”

“MAN I AIN’T YOUR SON. DON’T BE TRYING THAT COSBY SHIT WITH ME. GIVE ME THE DAMN WALLET!”

He reached behind him to his pant pocket, holding one hand up. “Let my wife get in the car please.”

“Just give me the damn wallet man!”

“LET MY WIFE GET IN THE CAR!” he yelled.

“Frank!” his wife said….

The young man looked at him, looked at the hand on his arm.

“Hurry up! Get in the car!”

“Honey…get in the car. NOW!” And she got in the car.

“Thank you. Here is the wallet.” And he threw it at the young man’s feet.

The young man leaned over to pick it up, keeping his eyes on Frank. Frank watched the gun. The hood of the sweatshirt fell into the young man’s eyes and his arm moved up with the gun and Frank rushed him. Grabbed his arm. Felt the feebleness of it under the big sweatshirt. Positioned his thumb on the inside of his wrist and twisted it, using his bulk to kick the young man’s feet from under him.

The move caused the young man to drop the gun and scream as Frank slammed him against the concrete.

His wife jumped out of the car, “FRANK…don’t hurt him! Please!”

She picked up the gun holding it to her side. The weight of it comfortable and familiar in her hand. Her stance positioned to be ready for the kick of it should she need to fire.

Frank drug the kid up and slammed him into the wall. The fight was out of the kid. He knew he was outmatched and he just gave up.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU KID! YOU PULL A GUN ON ME, ON MY WIFE! I SHOULD KILL YOU!”

The kid didn’t say a word. Frank loosened his grip on him, caught his breath.

“How many charges you got kid?”

The kid said nothing. Frank slammed his head against the concrete wall. The contact sounded like a puff.

“How many charges you got kid?”

Noises came from the stairwell as people approached. Michelle calmly tucked her hand with the gun under her wrap never taking her eyes off her husband.

Frank looked the kid in the eyes and stood up straighter positioning his body so you couldn’t see his hands on the kid. The group of people were going the other way and passed quickly.

“I asked you a question.”

“None. I ain’t never do nothing like this before.” He started crying.

“I’m going to let you go, but if you run, I’m calling the police and with my description you’ll be picked up before the night is up.”

“Frank…” Michelle’s voice trailed off. She stepped closer, to the right of her husband and far enough behind him to get off a shot without hitting him if need be. She watched the kid's hands and his eyes.

“I’m okay honey. He’s just a kid.” He was till looking at the kid. “What’s your story? Drugs?”

“No sir. I was just hungry.”

“You a street kid?”

“Yeah. For a couple of years now.”

“Where your people?”

“I ain’t got no people. Been in a group home cuz they couldn’t find a foster home to keep me. I ain’t never been in no trouble. Don’t really want none. I’m just tired of being hungry.” He looked Frank steady in the eye, the words coming out in bursts.

Frank contemplated this kid silently. His heart was heavy because he believed him. He knew this kid was on the brink. He knew this kid could be saved.

Michelle had walked up behind him to stand at his side. “What’s your name sweetie?” She spoke softly.

“Marcus….ma’am.” he dropped his eyes.

“Well Marcus," she took a deep breath, "we have leftover lasagna at home. You’re welcome to come over for dinner. Please know that if you do anything crazy I will shoot you first and call the police second. You understand?”

Marcus looked up at her then over to Frank who said nothing. His stomach fluttered and he was five years old again waiting for that elusive parental group to come in and say they would love him. “I…” he couldn’t say it past the lump in his throat. He clenched and unclenched his hands and nodded, slumping back against the wall opening and closing his mouth like a fish in the bottom of a boat after being caught.

“Get in the passenger side kid. Michelle…sit in the back.” And he stepped aside to let Marcus pass him. He put his wife in the car, squeezing her hand and got in the driver’s side. “Buckle your seat belt.”

Marcus fumbled with the seat belt while Frank started the car and drove off.

“So…we have dogs, two dogs. You like dogs Marcus?” Frank looked into the rearview mirror at Michelle. She smiled.

“I hope you do because they love kids. They're Boxers and are great with children.” Michelle said, her eyes tearing up. “In fact…you’ll probably be best friends with them before bedtime.”

They continued the light but constant mindless chatter the entire ride, allowing Marcus time with his thoughts. Allowing them time with theirs.

To any onlooker looking into their car, they appeared to be a family. The strong, handsome husband, the beautiful wife with the kind eyes, the son going through his rebellious stage with his head against the window staring out. Except if they looked closely enough…they would have noticed that everyone inside was crying.

- See more at: http://creoleindc.typepad.com/rantings_of_a_creole_prin/author_monica_mingo/page/2/#sthash.1NtxonDa.dpuf

"Bender"

“May I ask you a question?” she fidgeted with the charm bracelet on her wrist.

“Sure.” He picked up another stack of shirts.

“Have you always known you were gay?”

He looked at her side eyes. “I always knew I preferred males to females if that’s what you’re asking.”

“But how did you find out if you really were? I mean…how old were you?”

They worked quietly folding the t-shirts on the back rounder. It was her college summer job…it was his full-time job. He visibly sighed.

“Have you ever known someone gay?”

“No, I don’t think so.”

“Let me guess. You’re from one of those families huh?”

“One of what kind of families?”

“The perfect little kind that thinks all gays choose to be gay and are going to hell because of their choice.”

“Well…that’s how my father thinks, but not me.”

Laughing. “So you’re all liberal minded huh?”

“Don’t laugh at me. I mean…it’s not my fault my father thinks the way he does.”

“Yeah…I know. My father thinks the same way.”

“Really? Do you still live at home?”

“No. My father put me out when I was 15 years old.”

“What?” She dropped the shirt she had just picked up.

“He came home drunk one night and I was helping my mother make my sister’s prom dress. I was always better at it than she was.” He laughed.

“My father sat in his chair and stared at me and my mother got up and told me to go to my room because she knew he was about to start something.

Well, when I got up, I had to pass him by and he grabbed me by the neck and shoved me against the wall so hard a picture fell. I couldn’t breathe and I knew he wished he could kill me. He said someone told him they’d seen me over on 16th street near the gay clubs. I never knew there were gay clubs on 16th. My mother jumped on his back trying to get him to stop but he threw her off and kicked her until she couldn’t move. He broke three of her ribs in the process. Then…he turned back to me.” He picked up another shirt, the 10th one in his pile. All folded neat. Perfect. She kept her head down while she folded her shirts. Her stack big and messy. Like someone had already tried to pull out their size.

“He beat me until he was out of breath and then he threw me out of our front door. He told me to get my faggot ass out of his house and never come back. He wouldn’t let me take anything and he dared my mother and sister to move. He told me he hated the sight of me and that it was an embarrassment to know his only son was a fucking faggot.

I didn’t know where to go. I didn’t have anyone except my family, so I headed to 16th street where I was supposed to have been hoping I’d find someone to help me.

So I went and I couldn’t get in the clubs because I was only 15 and I looked even younger. A guy pulled up that was about the age of my father. He was nice. Kinda looked like he could be Santa Claus without the beard. I started crying when I told him what had happened to me and he said he understood because almost the same thing had happened to him by his father.

He told me that he wished he’d found someone to help him out when he went through it and told me that I could crash at his place until my father calmed down.”

He picked up her stack, because she was still on the shirt she’d been folding since he started talking. She kept folding one side and smoothing it and then unfolding it and repeating the same with the other side.

“When we got to his place, I started feeling better. He’d stopped at Burger King and got me something to eat since I’d missed dinner and I started feeling like everything was going to be okay. My father would sleep it off and I could go home the next day. He showed me where the guest bedroom was and gave me some towels and a pair of pajamas. I took a shower and on my way out of the bathroom…he slammed his fist in my face and raped me. Turns out he liked it rough…but he liked it clean too.” He laughed.

“Ironic huh? My father accused me of screwing strangers but it doesn’t happen until the night he throws me out of the house. My first time.

She found her voice. “Did you get to go back home?”

“No. When I called my mother she said it was for the best. She met me with some of my things but she never asked where I was staying. She’d always give me fifty dollars. Every time I see her…she gives me fifty dollars. I wonder if she goes to the bank after she gives me fifty dollars and gets another fifty to keep in her purse in case she runs into me. Fifty dollars.

I ended up staying with him for two years because I had nowhere else to go. Whenever he wanted to have sex…he had to beat me first because it was my fault he desired me. Sick bastard.”

“I’m sorry.”

He stopped folding shirts and looked at her. “I didn’t tell you my story for your pity Miss Thing. I told you my story so you’d understand that I didn’t CHOOSE to be gay. I am gay. I’ve always been gay. I used to wish and pray that I wasn’t gay. I mean…who would choose to be something they knew their own father despised when all I ever wanted was for him to be proud of me?

The next time you hear someone say some shit like that…you tell em what I told you. You tell em I said it’s not a choice. No way in fucking hell would I have chose it. Now…put these shirts over there and let’s get started on the second rounder. I’m not trying to be up in here all night tonight.”

- See more at: http://creoleindc.typepad.com/rantings_of_a_creole_prin/author_monica_mingo/page/2/#sthash.1NtxonDa.dpuf

"Fiber"

"So...wait...you're dating other people?" she stopped laughing.

He stopped laughing. "Yeah...don't you?"

"No, I wasn't."

"Oh."

"Oh? That's all you have to say? Oh? When would I have time to date other people? When I'm not at work or school, I'm with you."

"I don't know, I never gave it much thought."

"Oh." she looked puzzled.

The room grew icy as they both sat there with chewing on their thoughts.

"Um..." she stood up. "I need to get up early tomorrow so maybe you should leave." She started clearing away the dishes.

"Kelly, wait. I mean...let's talk."

She continued on to the kitchen where he followed. Her apartment, small and quaint, really mean small and didn't fit two people in the kitchen.

"Bobby...I really don't have anything to say."

"I thought we were clear that we weren't exclusive."

"No. I thought we were clear that we were dating until we decided if we WANTED to be exclusive."

"Yeah, dating."

"I mean each other Bobby. I didn't know there were other factors in the equation." she went back to the dining table to get more dishes.

"I'm sorry if I misled you, but I thought you knew when I said dating I meant dating others than just you."

"Well I certainly know now." she slammed dishes in the sink. "Bobby, you need to leave. I need time to think on this one."

He just looked at her not knowing what to say. He knew with certainty that when he left, that would be it. He could see it in her eyes. Only yesterday he'd been debating to get rid of Elizabeth so he could just be with Kelly.

She stared at him with hurt eyes.

He didn't know what to do or say so he walked out, grabbed his jacket and walked out the door closing it gently. He stood on the other side of the door and pondered what it meant. He was still standing there when she opened the door with a garbage bag. She'd been crying and had pulled her hair back in a ponytail.

"Kelly," he started and reached out to take the bag from her. She side stepped him to the stair landing jerking her elbow as she did so. Her foot slipped and first...the bag went flying and then...in slow motion, so.did.she.

Bobby rushed to her side, "Kelly!" And when he got no response...he started yelling for help and pulled out his cell phone. 9-1-1.

ShareThisFacebook

 

- See more at: http://creoleindc.typepad.com/rantings_of_a_creole_prin/author_monica_mingo/page/2/#sthash.1NtxonDa.dpuf

"Periscope"

I watched him all day yesterday. He looks good. He spends a lot of time alone during the day. I wondered about that. When he heads out of the city at night, he drives a long, lean car and he talks on the phone almost from the second he closes the door.

Last week I watched him three times. All day. I watched his building when he went into the office, I watched for him to leave for lunch. I walked a quarter of a block behind him. I could have said his name and he would have heard me. I watched him leave his office at the end of the day, never at the same time. And I watch him go to the gym. Then…I watch him in his sweats…head out to where he lives.

I watch her too.

She travels a lot. She left yesterday again for a trip. She’s a consultant I know…I know this much to be true about her. I also know she’s young, pretty, looks just like I did when I was her age. Ten years younger. She’s ten years younger than he and I. He asked her to marry him six months after he humiliated me. After I’d sent out invitations, after he decided he didn’t want me anymore.

When she left it was in a town car. Expense account. She left early enough that he wasn’t up with her. He usually is. He usually walks her to the door and kisses her, lingeringly…already missing her with his hand at the nape of her neck. Once, he put both hands on each side of her cheek and kissed her on the forehead. I drove off that day fumbling with the wipers in the rain. He’d kissed me so many times just that way and the pain that shot through me watching him do the same to her almost killed me. Almost killed me…right there in front of his home in the county I’d told him I wanted to buy our first home. Right there across from his well manicured lawn.

I wonder what he would have said had he found my body in front of his house that day in the rain. I was wearing all black, Nike yoga wear. Big sunglasses, even in the rain. I didn’t have anything to identify me and I was driving the cash car I’d purchased months before and never registered. Would he have cried? Would he have remembered how much I loved him, how much I’d done to help him be the man he’d become? Would he remember the sacrifices I’d made to make sure he could finish school without any stress? Would he be sorry? Would he kiss me lingeringly one.last.time? On my cold, dead lips, my left hand still wearing the diamond engagement ring he’d given me and insisted I keep once he humiliated me. After I’d already sent out the invitations.

Would he remember that I gave him five years of loving him? Would he be sorry?

He should be sorry.

Sometimes I still smell him and I inhale way deep inside myself. I drink in his smell just as I drink in the sight of him. Even today.

I haven't been touched by another human since last he touched me and when I touch myself...I imagine it's him. My memories sustain me.

For now.

That should be our home. That should be me pregnant with our child instead of her. But our baby died. Three months pregnant. Three months of him telling me how much he wasn’t ready to be a father. Of nothing but stress until it killed my baby. And then…he felt free and I felt trapped inside my mind screaming, kicking, willing my body to die. When he told me he was moving out…I was already gone. My mind…it was already gone.

I haven’t spoken with him since. I disappeared from his life and he’s never asked anyone about me. Because he doesn’t care. Because he hates me and wishes I never existed. Wishes he could scrub his brain free of the memories of me.

So I watch him. And I watch her. But mostly…I watch him.

I watch him.

And I wait.

- See more at: http://creoleindc.typepad.com/rantings_of_a_creole_prin/author_monica_mingo/page/2/#sthash.1NtxonDa.dpuf

"Timothy"

“Okay Graham, everything you should need while I’m on vacation should be in this folder. I’ve created an outgoing message on both email and voicemail to contact you in the event of an emergency.”

“I still can’t believe you’re actually going on a vacation and not taking your laptop and cell phone Suzette. In the 10 years you’ve been here…it’s the first. Everyone is talking about it.”

She laughed. “I know Steve, but it’s time, and besides, Timothy has threatened to throw both into the ocean if he even so much as glimpses them. But you know me, I’ll find some way to check in.”

“I think it’s good. It’s about time you took an actual vacation. I can’t wait to meet Timothy. He sounds like a hell of a guy.”

“He is Steve. He is.”

That said, she logged off her computer and arranged the keyboard perfectly centered on the monitor and put the mouse to the left of it. She looked around one last time making sure she didn’t forget anything and put on her coat. She stopped and at her office, her diplomas, her awards, picked up her briefcase and closed the door.

As she walked down the hall her boss beckoned her in while wrapping up a phone call.

“Suzette, have a great time, relax, and please don’t get into any diving accidents. We’ll need you ready to go to help us close that big case that Neil just sent our way.”

“You’re showing your hand Jack. What if you get a call from me on the island telling you I’m not coming back unless I get a huge raise?”

“Then I will have to SERIOUSLY consider it.” He stood up and walked around his desk with his hand extended which she shook. “Have a great trip Suzette. You deserve it. And I want to meet the man who can convince you to finally take a vacation soon okay?”

“Definitely...now, I have to get going because you know I’m not packed and I have a million things to do!”

“Please, I find that hard to believe as organized as you are. But hey…don’t let me keep you. Again, have a good trip…but not TOO good okay? What time is your flight in the morning?”

“6:59 am out of National. We stop in Newark but only briefly and then it’s straight to St. Thomas from there.”

“Well get out of here! Drop us a line when you can, but no more than once a week and that’s an ORDER!”

Laughing, “Aye aye Captain! See you next month!”

On her way out Suzette was stopped no less than six times by co-workers who wanted to make sure she was going to have a good time in St. Thomas and she promised to bring everyone back some sun and sand.

The last person was the receptionist who, in her motherly way and English accent said, “Ms. Suzette, enjoy. Don’t think about work, just think about how lucky you are to have a man that can whisk you away to a beautiful island for a month. Just relax and enjoy letting your man take care of you.”

And just like that…she was out of there and in the elevator down to the parking garage and into the quiet solace of her automobile. The place she’s more herself than anywhere else with her music, with her thoughts. She shook her head and thought of Timothy. Thought about the flight at 6:59 am. Thought of her co-workers, thought of her life. And then…she let the quiet take over and the jazz snake around her as she sank into her plush heated seats.

The few errands she had to run were minimal as she really was the most extraordinarily organized person.

First stop was to her neighborhood cleaners, where she had a jovial conversation with the usual clerk. She’s a good person. Nice, friendly, warm. Second to the pharmacy, third to the grocery store and then finally, she was in her garage.

In her home she put away some of what she purchased at the grocery store and the rest she took upstairs to her bedroom to the mini fridge she’d recently purchased. She put away her dry cleaning and pulled out a bag and packed it and put it on the floor by the bedroom door. Then she activated her alarm and lay down for a few minutes with her thoughts but before you know it she was overwhelmed with all that she had to do and suddenly she became a force of energy making sure her home was dress right dress.

In her office she made sure everything made sense and that anything important was readily available to be found. Hey…you never know what could happen and she’d hoped her brother would be able to get to what he needed just in case. She thought about calling him. Her brother. But that thought passed quickly as it was always an awkward conversation no matter what the topic. He and his perfect wife and perfect kids were probably having their perfect family dinner right now. And besides, she didn’t feel like explaining to him AGAIN who Timothy was.

It was almost ten o’clock before she was satisfied with her preparations and she called once again to double check the cab coming to pick her up before dawn. With everything she could think to do done…she went to sleep and set her alarm clock for 4:30 am.

She awoke at 3:00 am with butterflies in her stomach at the thought of un-chartered waters before her. She knew she had control issues and never fared well in circumstances that were unknown to her. As she couldn’t eat or drink anything, she tidied up more and watered her plants.

At 5:00 am, her cab arrived and she went out, feeling naked. Feeling exposed in the chill early morning air. The uneasy feeling in her stomach started bubbling and when he turned to her at the drop off, he looked her in her eyes and smiled. She asked him for his card and asked if she could call him to pick her up. He said yes and scribbled his number on the back of a dirty card that was someone else’s. She tucked it in the side of her purse and gave him an extra $20 thanking him.

She checked in and sat facing the entrance to the area she was sittin. Watching, waiting and then…they called her name and led her to the back.

She took off her clothes...dressed in the gown, extended her arm for the vinyl bracelet that would identify her while she was there. Every new person she came in contact with asked her her name and what she was there for, procedures to insure no malpractice issues arose.

Suzette Cummings, Radical Mastectomy for treatment of breast cancer was her answer.

Five times now. The only five times that she’d ever spoken it aloud. Her doctor came in and went over the procedure one last time.

“Where’s your boyfriend?” he asked.

“It seems we parked in the wrong spot and he went to move the car.”

“Okay. Does he know where to go when he returns?” he asked?

“Yes. He’ll be in the family waiting area probably working like crazy on his Blackberry.”

Both her doctor and the anesthesiologist laughed at that one. Guilty as charged in man-land.

She counted backwards from ten and was gone.

________________________________________________________

1.  Does Timothy exist?

2.  Why would someone who obviously has such a great rapport with people be truly alone to deal with something so difficult?

3.  What kind of rift would make someone not call a family member?

4.  Is she morbid?  Selfish?

5.  Would you do this?

6.  COULD you do this?

- See more at: http://creoleindc.typepad.com/rantings_of_a_creole_prin/author_monica_mingo/page/2/#sthash.1NtxonDa.dpuf

"Home"

Funny the things you'll think but never say out loud.  Like cuss words.  I'd never cuss out loud, but in my mind every other word seems to be a cuss word.  I never have an opportunity to say it not with the kids and my mother-in-law always around.  I have cussed around Fred, but so infrequently that he's shocked when he hears it.

Right now I'm thinking, fu**, sh-**and gotda**--.  It's pouring raining and I'm stuck in traffic with three stops to make before I get home and my cell phone is ringing. 

Again. 

"Home."  *sigh*  "Home" is ALWAYS calling me.  I already told "Home" that it's pouring raining and I can't drive and talk.  "Home" is going to make me yell.  But I can't yell at "Home" cuz home is where the heart is right.  Yeah...right.

I think I've moved three inches in fifteen minutes. And I have to go to Whole Foods and get some veggies and some snacks for the kids.  Last night Gracie told me me she's too old to eat the honey graham sticks that the boys eat.  At age 7...she's too old for a lot she thinks.  And at age 40...I'm too old to argue with her anymore.  I know she's taking over and I'm too tired to fight it out of her.  I talked big game before she came...but now..hell...I don't have the energy to be on every little thing she does.

Buzzzzzzzz...buzzzzzzzzz..."Home" again.  I just can't deal with home right now.  It will be something stoopit.  Marcus put a tootsie pop in Gracie's hair.  Johnathon can't find his purple martian.  No...mommy...not the one with the silver suit...the one holding the xyloray.

This fucking traffic is killing me today.

I have to pick up some flowers too.  I ordered them a week ago so I have to get them otherwise I would say forget it.  My brother and his fiance are coming tomorrow and I wanted an arrangement that coordinated with their room.  I had to do a major overhaul tot he room to transform it into a guest bedroom since Fred's mother moved in.  Poor thing.  She was so alone.  I just couldn't let her stay there by herself so when I went after she fell...I couldn't do anything but bring her back with me.  Fred was surprised I know...but I always knew she'd be with us evenually.

My brother's fiance is annoying.  Pretty...but annoying.  Always trying to help but ends up getting in the way.  GO SIT YOUR ASS DOWN SOMEWHERE HELL!  I'm always screaming at people in my head.  Good thing they can't read minds huh?

I'm gonna get soaked.  My damn umbrella is in the back.  What kind of sense does it make to put an umbrella in the back of an SUV?  Not too bright chica.  Now ya gotta get out and get it and this rain is POURING. 

I've been thinking about going back to school.  I just need something new.  Tired of being wife, mommy and daughter-in-law. 

Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..Bzzzzzzzzzzzz..."Home."

Yes I did just cut that guy off.  He shouldn't have been going all slow trying to keep up with the conversation on his phone.  I DO NOT HAVE TIME IDIOT!

I whip into the parking lot.  Bzzzzzzzzzzzzz...Bzzzzzzzzzzzz..."Home."

I grab the phone..."YES!"

"Mommy..."

"Gracie...what is it that makes you call me 6 times in a row when I have told  you it's raining and mommy can't drive and talk on the phone in the rain? And it better not be about a fight with the boys.  You are too old to fight with 4 year olds Gracie.  You have to be the big girl."

"Mommy...Grandmother fell down and isn't moving.I called the police and the boys started crying when they heard the sirens.  Mommy...we're scared.  Grandma just fell."

Shit.

______________________________________________________________

Questions for YOU.

What do you think she looks like?

Do you think she's happy?

How would you describe her if you had to?

How would YOU feel if this had happened to you?

- See more at: http://creoleindc.typepad.com/rantings_of_a_creole_prin/author_monica_mingo/page/2/#sthash.1NtxonDa.dpuf