Racial Fatigue: Become friends with the monster...

I'm a cancer survivor, an infertility survivor and a child abuse survivor.  In other words...life has dealt me a few blows that I've had to work really hard at overcoming.  This disease that I can't seem to overcome unscathed however?  Racial Fatigue.  I'm about to topple over from this shit.  Seriously.  It's too much.  Everyday there is more ish and people figure out how to rope all kinds of ish into it to make every.single.thing about race and how Black people ain't shit, weren't ever shit and never gonna be shit and lawd...I'm so over it.  I'M SO OVER IT.  

I watched that video of that football player who punched the chick at the bar.  When I first saw the video I was like...damn...he shouldn't have hit her like that.  But then I read the story and I understood.  She called him THE SLUR before she hit him and he was trying to keep her hands off him and then he just snapped and laid her azz clean the fug out.


I don't want men hitting women.  Duh.

I don't want women hitting men.  Duh.


There are signs out here with that damn flag on it saying, "Keep the flag, change the speaker."  Like...them signs popped up the next day of the current flag controversy.  Nice signs.  PROFESSIONALLY PRINTED SIGNS.  Somebody sat down at their computer immediately and designed that gotdamn sign and then saved that shit to a thumb drive.  Then they went to a PROFESSIONAL SIGN PRINTER and had them damn signs printed up.  Approved the proofs.  AND PAID FOR THEM!  Stands and all.  Then...they knew exactly where they could put that shit up and be like...THEY COOL WITH IT.  I KNOW.  You spent all that time and all that money promoting something which symbolizes hate and oppression to so many people.  Just don't give a fug huh?



And Black people ain't no damn better.  Fools running around here talking about they trotting out Bill Cosby to distract you from Charleston, that damn flag and racism.  GOTDAMMIT WHY THE FUG I CAN'T THINK ABOUT MORE THAN ONE THING AT A TIME?  WHY THE FUG YOU GOTTA TRY AND LIMIT ME TO ONE THING AT A TIME?  OH?  I AIN'T BLACK ENOUGH CUZ I HAVE THE BANDWIDTH TO BE OUTRAGED ABOUT MORE THAN ONE THING AT A TIME?  Cosby been raping and all these damn fools know he drugging folks but still slurping his jello shots.  

People mad at Black fashion bloggers cuz they just talking 'bout fashion.  Well shit...that's what they blog about!  Don't assume that just because they aren't deviating from their chosen business message that they don't talk about these issues in their personal life.  I mean hell...how many businesses yall know out there polarizing folks and surviving?  Them damn bakeries that refused to make cakes for gay people are OUT.OF.BUSINESS.  Ain't nobody got time to mix up their money behind systematic shit bigger than life.


I was called a racist by a stranger behind that damn flag.  Me.  A racist.  Okay. *YAWN*  Rat bastid quick to say some ish like...THAT'S REVERSE RACISM! 


And Donald Trump?  And all these damn Republican candidates tipping around not saying anything conclusive setting up a pick for Jeb Bush so he can trot out his Latina bride as a stop gap?  Yeah...we see you Jeb.  We see you.  I gotta hand it to you...that one was perfect.  

So yeah...I'm suffering bad from Racial Fatigue.  Bad man.  I'm so sick of and tired of this ish.  I'm tired of the disparities I see from my vantage point.  I'm tired of the for real serious wrongs that folks turn a blind eye to.  I'm tired of feeling like there is nothing I can do no matter what I do.  I'm tired.  I'm tired.  I'm tired.

There is nothing I can do about how individuals think, of course.  I can just continue to be me and see something, say something when I feel like it.  I've always surrounded myself with good people without focusing on visual differences.  I always try and see it from all sides but I'm tired.  I'm so very, very tired.  This is how people become hermits.  This is how people just start collecting dogs, cats and reading books.  Tipping out every now and then to buy fruit salad in a can running their grocery carts into the back of people cuz they are just trying to get outta there and back to their home/haven as quickly as possible.

This climate is a moral sickness we're all suffering from and the antidote lies within our hearts.  Empathy.  That's all we need to start using.  Empathy.

"I'm friends with the monster that's under my bed.  Get along with the voices inside of my head.  You trying to save me stop holding your breath.  And you think I'm crazy, you think I'm crazy! Well that's not fair!"

On Caitlyn Jenner

Caitlyn Jenner has arrived fully emblazoned on and in "Vanity Fair."  A blaze of fabulous clothes, cars, new boobs and hair.  Cheekbones to die for and eyebrows, as the young kids say, "on fleek."

I'm reading the hoopla and, of course, checking out the pictures.  I watched the Diane Sawyer special on her and was impressed with how well Diane tackled the subject and showcased the very real struggle.  I was touched that (at the time Bruce was still referring to himself as he) he was honest and candid about his journey.  I couldn't imagine the lifelong struggle.  I empathized with him greatly about that especially since someone I love has lived this journey all of her life.

And then...he said something that made me BLINK.

He said that, of course he's a Republican and I BLINKED again and again and again.  It really made me sit back and go...WOW.

The unabashed privilege of Bruce Jenner now Caitlyn was fully displayed.  The struggle that others face daily when going through this transition, was never there.  The money and the fame made him the automatic poster child even though other backs have been broken since the Roman Empire.  Caitlyn is on the cover of Vanity Fair, is a part of a hit reality show and has a new show about to come out.  Caitlyn is full of money that she will protect at all costs while you pull yourself up by your bootstraps.  LOL!  

I am glad to see we are living in a world where people are more comfortable living their truth proudly.  That warms my heart.

Caitlyn?  Old girl is a Republican.  LOL!

I mean...I guess right.  To each his own, blah, blah, blah.

Sometimes though...it simply makes my eyes squint.


From My Inbox

So I’m in Nashville for an away rotation at Vanderbilt, and I’m staying with one of their grad students I found through the student classifieds. He’s a nice enough white guy, super quiet and soft spoken, no issues in the week I’ve been here. I’ve also been gone a lot, working quite a bit at the hospital. Today was my first off day and this morning was the first morning I had to really see the house in daylight (I’m gone from 6am-8pm). Well, while rummaging through his cabinets for a coffee mug, looking forward to finally having some time to brew my favorite Guatemalan coffee and read a novel before church, I had a hard time finding a mug that wasn’t emblazoned with the Confederate flag.

*record scratch* uh say wha?

My prickly senses heightened, and have been so all day. I’ve lived with a white person before, but he was super liberal, from California. We may have not had many words for each other, but there was a mutual respect. We were cool. To be sharing a roof with a racist is a whole new ball game that I’m not prepared for. We got a lot of Tribe members in the South so my question is: Is the Confederate flag //really// racist, or just a symbol of Southern pride? I mean really? I found some really good points here. (I’ve clearly been thinking about this all day)


Hanging Family from Tree. Halloween Decor?

So...a home on the Ft. Campbell military base had the above as Halloween decor.  


Neighbors complained and, when brought to the attention of the occupant...they removed it.

Someone in the comments of the article defended the occupant saying that it's Halloween and people shouldn't be so sensitive.  It's just scary stuff.

What are your thoughts?  Does it concern you that SOMEONE who lives in that house is in our military?

Scenario From Real Life

Your home owner's association is getting to be super damn annoying.

I mean...you get it.  They exist for a reason and in some cases...they can make you want to stare off into space for an hour just contemplating apartment living and how peaceful it was back then.

So...they amp up their process and start sending out annoying emails, letters and ish that you go ahead and mark as spam so you never see them.

You maintain your home well and never have problems anyway and you don't want to see/deal with the bull they have going on.

One of your neighbors asks you if you got a letter about powerwashing the siding on side of your house.  

You tell them no because you just powerwashed the side of your house that Spring.

The neighbor states that they got a letter and that your house has as much grime on it as theirs does and that they sent in an email saying exactly that.

You:  Wait...so you told them that my house SPECIFICALLY has the same amount of grime on it that yours does?

Them:  Yes.

You:  Well ain't that about some bullshit.  Who does that?

Them:  What?  I mean...your house is always nice so I just wanted them to see that ours is the same.

You:  How the hell you gonna pull me and my house into the bullshit you have going on with them people?  You know I can't STAND them people hell!

Them:  Oh.  I'm sorry.  I didn't think...

You:  You know what...lemme go.

You mad?  

Or would you have done the same?

Take a Guess

Go 'head.  Guess.  Unless you've seen the article...you won't know who this is.