Monnie Larry David

Screen Shot 2020-04-15 at 10.27.21 PM.png

A framily member and I were discussing “Curb Your Enthusiasm” today and it was determined that I was the Black female version of Larry David.

Take this season when Larry started a whole coffee shop next to his nemesis out of spite. It was the pettiest thing he could do and yet…I’ve done this before on a much smaller scale. See…I had a woman refuse to shop where I was once until I’d left the building. She was looking for a table. I asked the owner how many tables he had and, when he told me, I told him I’d buy all he had. He was surprised but went around and counted it up, I paid and then left. With ALL the tables. That I had to return to pick up.

I called them the Petty Collection and it took me a long time to sell all of them but I did it.

Cuz I’m petty.

So I totally get Larry David’s energy. TOTALLY.

I also don’t like touching people. This hasn’t been a recent, sign of the times thing, this has been me forever. Larry David doesn’t like random people either. He always gets wrapped into some craziness and well…same. sigh I don’t make the things that happen to me up. I am simply not that creative. Shit just happens and I go along for the ride with an in-my-head commentary going on that I can’t shut off. Hella funny, mind you. HELLA.

I just finished reading this article about Larry David and well…it’s pretty spot on with me. In fact…I totally feel seen: https://www.nytimes.com/2020/04/04/style/larry-david-curb-your-enthusiasm-coronavirus-psa.html

What television character are you most like?

Isolation. Anxiety. Depression. Pandemic.

processed_20200411_230249.jpg

It's a beautiful day here. I see it from my bedroom window. The sun is out, everything is spring fresh green.

And I can't get out of bed.

Later and later it seems that I get up and I can't shake it. I just have no desire to move.

There weren't a lot of places I went anyway but not being able to do even the minimal I did has really hit me where it hurts me the most. In my brain. Where the darkness of chronic depression is always lurking.

I only watch the news for an hour a day but I am plugged in online with extremely informed friends so I still see the dumb shit. I still see that dude lying. I still see that dude proving with his own words and actions how unfit he is to lead. I still see him saying shit like the metrics he uses are in his brain. I still see him make kingly claims.

You can't get away from that shit. And people are dying. People I know, loved ones of people I know, friends of friends. People died from enjoying life at Mardi Gras. People I was around. People I smiled at, passed by, shared a laugh with because that's how we do because there are no strangers at Mardi Gras.

And the shit would make anyone feel smaller, diminished even…and here I am with my chronic shit that I work hard at fighting daily just crumbling. Bit by bit. Finding choosing happy difficult as fuck to accomplish.

My family got hit by this early and we were all terrified of the outcome for one of our most beloved. Then the relief came with knowledge of their surviving it and we were all grateful that we were able to have our needs met and stay safe at home. But now? Now all I can think about are all of the people who are home hungry or having to leave their home to make sure the basic needs of our country are met. I think about the kids who only ate at school. About the people with addiction. About the already sick not having access to what they need. I think about the homeless, the shelters, the food banks and I get overwhelmed with anxiety.

In the beginning I joined Zoom this and that. I talkednon the phone more and video called more. Now? I can't.

And I think of all the people who suffer from depression worse than I do and I worry so much about them because Lord…this is so much. So very, very much.

I'm going to try to write my way out of this hell in my brain since nothing else seems to be working.

How are you holding up?

"Insecure" Review - Season 4, Episode 1

Screen Shot 2020-04-13 at 5.35.45 PM.png

Molly Loves Issa

“Honestly, I don’t fuck with Molly anymore.”

Season 4 of “Insecure” is back and it starts off showcasing, once again, just how complex day-to-day relationships can be. The series can be a lot of things. A show about Black millennials, a show about girlfriends, a show about dating, a show about career choices, haves and have-nots, all of that. It’s like that meme about trying to have time to do everything you want to do just trying to keep it all together.

Mostly, however, in my opinion, it’s about love.

More specifically? About Molly and Issa’s love because it’s there and it’s real. As real as any dysfunctional love you’ve ever witnessed is.

And Molly is a master of dysfunctional love with men, so why is anyone surprised that her love with Issa is more, if not all, of the same?

So I have read a lot of people say everything from Molly being jealous of Issa to Molly needing Issa to be broken down so that Molly can feel good about herself and that makes me cringe because I think Molly’s issues have nothing to do with Issa and everything to do with the fact that Molly is insecure as hell.

Molly’s shit with men is toxic as fuck and she acknowledges this. In fact, the only person who has EVER been able to tell her something about men that she will listen to is Issa. She might not acknowledge it initially, but we see her LISTENING. We see her seeking validation from Issa regarding her feelings and if she’s right or wrong when it comes to men. Issa is her touchstone. Her talisman if you will and, in her way, she believes she is the only person who can save Issa from Issa’ing and, because of their history, she hasn’t recognized yet that Issa is growing and changing. FINALLY.

Issa knows that Condola is the version of woman that Issa is striving to be. She knows her shortcomings and this thing with Lawrence has, once again, made her feel that she isn’t good enough. Molly KEEPS telling her she is but is focused on her own painful stuff she’s trying to pretend isn’t painful and she doesn’t have what it takes to thoughtfully consider Issa’s DEEP, deep ish.

And hey…neither of them have initials behind their names and can’t offer therapy to the other.

But eh…we saw it coming.

We all felt Issa wasn’t emotionally mature enough to handle it. We ALL worried.

When Condola told Lawrence, he didn’t think Condola should continue working with Issa at first either and yet, the masses aren't giving him crap about his immediate reaction. It was only after he took a breath and considered that Issa needed help that he changed his tune. Issa didn't think so either, hence the awkwardness and asking Kelli for her opinion regarding. It was weird because eh…Issa still has unresolved SOMETHING regarding her breakup with Lawrence. I don’t know if she still loves him but she’s still connected and she still wants things to have been different between them you know? So there is that.

I’ve had more than a few conversations about the triggering comment Molly made to Issa after the mixer was over and she’d let Issa know she knew about Condola and Lawrence. Molly said, “It’s just that…you know your life doesn’t have to be this messy, right? Sometimes I think you like that shit.”

And Issa did that thing with her face that she does when she has just absorbed something hurtful that she isn’t ready to admit hurt her. Her buffer face. The awkward Black girl face we first fell in love with. The face Molly has seen more than anybody I’m sure.

Molly and Issa have experience with each other and there are place cards for where each fit in the other’s life. Molly shows up pushing a hot Audi whip dressed in matching pricey yoga wear to spend Sunday self-caring with the only person she can count on and Issa is there waiting on her dressed in random t-shirt with shorts and derailing the process from the onset by whipping out the weed and then burning her mat with said weed. Nothing that surprises Molly. It’s easy. She moves past each of Issa’s awkward moments with ease, as she is a pro at maneuvering within them. Issa, the classic late bloomer, is growing. Not in the “normal” time frame of college, graduate school to career, but in other ways. In the bobbing and weaving of a creative. Still broke, still trying to figure it out, but showing up. Yes, showing up in a wardrobe she’s faking, but moving forward. Slowly. And there is a hiccup, per the norm.

Fucking Lawrence.

All of Issa’s friends and family are helping her out. Bartending, DJ’ing, talking up the project to investors when she was falling short, helping to clean up, hyping up the crowd, etc.

ISSA IS LOVED.

This is a love story.

I have someone that I love big time but is well known to be a fug up. Whenever they call me with something I automatically think to myself…”Aw lawd…here they come with the bullshit” before they have even uttered word one. Why? Historically they have made poor choices, which end up creating mess, drama and just a hectic existence. I watch it all unfold and, even as I wish they’d make better choices based on what they have experienced, 95% of the time, they still on dumb shit.

And the dumb shit ends up blowing up.

And I just wish that they’d stop doing dumb shit and had a lovely, cushioned existence filled with joy and happiness. Because I love them.

But eh…I KNOW them so I’m never surprised.

Molly and Issa won’t ever be as healthy as they can be until one or both of them have someone else in their life to bounce the OTHER stuff off. Neither of them is healthy enough to be everything to the other one.

That is a Molly AND Issa problem. Issa’s awkward azz is not blameless and Molly isn’t an evil bitch.

Kelly needs her own show.

Just my half a cent.

Rescued.

67826348_497918754294680_241468245406646272_n.jpg

Last week I went to the animal shelter with the intention of donating money to pay for a puppy’s upkeep. Long story short…we decided we’d might as well take one home with us. We walked up and down the horrible, bleak shelter and looked at doggie’s who seemed to know their time was limited if someone didn’t take them home.

Rookie is 7 months old. He’s part Boxer and part Pit. He had hookworms and was emaciated. He had the saddest eyes. Like…he hadn’t known much kindness and, even though I got all the way down to his level…he was skittish and shy.

But my nephew loved him immediately.

And I love my nephew.

So yeah…the puppy with the sad eyes was coming home with us.

Rookie and Marie Laveau get along splendidly. Zulu is a whole other story and it makes me sad because I’d hoped they’d all get along well and we’d be a big old happy family. Well…Zulu wasn’t having it.

He kept messing with Rookie and Rookie, even though he was bigger, let him get away with it. Then…he snapped. And well…it was rough. So now we keep them apart until Rookie has been to obedience training and we can control him better.


Rookie and my nephew get along perfectly because they have the same hype level. Rookie loves to sleep on the sofa and he loves snuggling with his people most of all. He had a pretty bad story and I am trying my best to not think about it. All I know for sure is that he is where he is supposed to be and that we will do every.single.thing in our power to make sure he has the best life possible.

He goes to the shop with me daily and he’s such a good shop doggie. He greets clients well and his ears always perk up if a man comes to close to me that isn’t his Robby.

This dude is going to be a looker once he fills out. I am so excited to see what he looks like after being loved up on and taken care of properly.

Please pray for Zulu and Rookie to become best buds. I HATE keeping the pack separated.

What is a good dude?

Busta.jpg

A conversation I had a few weeks ago has stuck with me in a way that makes me know I have some growing to do in that area because the answer isn’t as cut and dried as my brain thinks it should be. The conversation was about a man who, in every way seen by the public, is a good dude. He is active in the community, is an excellent father, cares about others, helps out wherever he can, is deep into church.

He goes to work, does his job well and is inspiring.

That’s what we see. That’s what we KNOW. He’s a good dude. Good PEOPLE. HIGH COTTON COMPLIMENT.

So let’s introduce this good dude, who is single and available, to a single and available woman who is good people too.

Mix and let marinate.

Events which happened after made me really ponder, “What is a good dude?”

A question put to me was for me to consider one of my male besties.

Person: Do you think such-and-such is a good dude?

Me: Of course. He’s the best. My dude for life.

Them: What if you found out he was cheating on this wife…would YOU still think he’s a good dude? Do you think his wife would still think he’s a good dude? Is “good dude” subjective to the person who is being asked to quantify the sum of his whole?

Me: Leemelone. You play too much. I don’t like this question.

Because it’s true. I might be disappointed in one of my male besties for cheating on their wives but I’d still know them to be good dudes. They will still be great fathers, great neighbors, great community leaders, great activists, excellent providers, amazing sons, brothers, etc.

SIP: But the cheating tho…

I would be so hurt if one of my male besties cheated on their wives and I found out about it but I guess I’d still consider them a good dude.

SIP: Because they are good to you and OTHERS…but not to their wives.

Me: LEEMELONE! I DON’T LIKE THIS QUESTION!

So…the marinade.

The marinade came with tangles in other areas which needed to be unwound in order the “good dude” could be fully committed to the awesomeness that is the single woman. It seemed to be an easy process in the beginning but then…the process started to lag which would make one wonder. The good woman decided it wasn’t for her to sit around and wait for the “good dude” to come clean and be ready to be fully present.

Me: Aw man…but he’s such a good dude.

Them: But is he though? Is he really?

SIP: Same thing I’ve been asking.

Me: Maybe. Hell…I don’t know. I want the fairy tale version.

SIP: ‘Tis 2019. You’d better whip out a Disney DVD to get that version.

How much work should you put into a good dude who is lacking in a very important area? Good question, right? I know my peers are generally like me in this area and we are like “I don’t have time for that.” And honestly…who does? With work, kids, family, framily and friends, home maintenance, etc…who has time to help a grown man be great when he should already know since he comes with the label of “good dude.”

How many men do you know that you’d consider a “good dude” who has fathered children outside of their marriage? Who have cheated or done something else grimy who can be a “good dude” to others in their life? Is it a simple fix to just say…”He’s a good dude, but he sucks at personal relationships?” Is a caveat necessary?

SIP: Camille Cosby thinks Bill is a “good dude” and we know some women think R. Kelly is a good dude too. He is probably really good to his boys. This is the thing…sometimes men get a good dude pass by the people they’ve never screwed over. And yes…they’ve screwed over many. So yeah…maybe it is subjective which makes perfect sense since most things in life are.

Also…what if a dude is everything to his family ONLY and never helps others and doesn’t care about his community? Is HE a good dude? What boxes are necessary to be checked off to be considered a FOR TRUE “good dude?”

Have you ever had your heart broken by a “good dude?” Still think he’s good?

Hurricane Barry was a BUST!

Most folks get a day off because of a hurricane and relax. MOST FOLKS. Not me. Never me. I intended to try...but got sidetracked by stuff. I had on soft pants all day but didn't chill out until way late.

I updated my flatware chest and painted a wood bookshelf I paid $5 for that was in my garage because I found a can of General Finishes Milk Paint on a shelf that I'd forgotten I'd brought home forever ago because I wanted to do something in that color for personal use. The flatware chest update made my flatware look shinier. LOL! I should have BEEN done that.

If you EVER see a solid wood bookcase for $5 and don't bring that sucker home and refinish or update it...you're crazy. For real, seriously, crazy. Solid wood. $5. No brainer.

So yeah...I hurricane cleaned and did a few projects and now I'm finally tired enough to relax. Cuz that's how I get down. LOL!

How do you reconcile being disappointed with a TRUE loved one?

Disappointment-300x300.jpg

I’ve recently had to ask myself the question of what I should do when disappointed with a loved one. Someone you REALLY love and would move mountains for. Someone you’d drop everything to rush to their side in times of challenge for them. What do you do? It’s not like you can cut them off because you love them and they love you, you’re simply disappointed in them for a particular reason that goes against your personal belief system.

I guess this has come up a lot in recent years regarding politics. Your belief system might go against a loved ones strongly on a particular issue. I mean…none of us should be one issue people but, if we’re honest, there are a few issues that would REALLY make it hard to reconcile if you found out a loved one staunchly opposed that you supported and vice versa, right?

So what do you do? Do you pretend that everything is fine and just skip over the disappointment? Do you say something knowing it will become a hot debate? Do you just have to learn how to accept PRICKLY warts and all?

I am struggling with this. After yelling at a loved one for 15 solid minutes I feel VERY unsettled. I developed a migraine last night and woke up with it this morning so some of the way I feel has to do with the migraine too, I’m sure, but my disappointment has my stomach in knots.

My husband says it’s my fault because I simply have to learn how to not expect people to be as amazing as I think and hope they are. That is a truly depressing thought for me. *sigh*

What do YOU do? What would your advice for me be? How do I reconcile this feeling without too much damage to my heart and to the relationship? How do I not get to the point as say fug it and fade them to black knowing it will hurt me too?

Thank you in advance.

St. Augustine Grass

Squares Are For Squares.png

What I know about dating these days comes from my friends who are dating and man…a lot has changed.

Text messages.

Non-date dating.

Forever friend zones.

Talk/text all day. No communication at night.

Etc.

Etc.

And a lot hasn’t changed.

Mainly…you meet people where they are and people meet you where YOU are. They were attracted to what they saw and felt when they met you.

Now…if you’re in a good place, that’s mad cool. You’re happy and all smiley and healthy and you’re all awesome and shit just straight chilling. You love your family, they love you, you have good friends, your dog doesn’t have fleas. Your tires are good and your grass is green.

You also know what kinda grass it is. Fescue. Bermuda. St. Augustine. Zoysia. Whatever. You know what kinda grass it is and you keep it watered and fertilized. You feed it, keep it cut, etc.

And it’s green and beautiful and fabulous. Just awesome.

So if someone meets you there while your grass is all lush, that is going to be amazing for both of you.

But let them storms hit hard and rain and rain and rain. All that water will stack up into a flood and wash all your good topsoil away. Nothing good but weeds can take root and they are good for nothing. They hurt the remaining grass and choke the life out of it and if someone doesn’t put some major work into bringing it back to life…it will ruin everything it touches.

So yeah…if you are in that space…you need to chill because the people attracted to that person are going to be in a bad space too. Bruh…that’s a whole lot of weeds.

Be with the people who love you and who can help repair you and get back to where you know you need to be. You don’t need to do anything other than that. Just chill. Be still. Work on what you have to work on and then…life will, hopefully, follow the natural order and you will be able to meet someone where you are with your grass all green.

I say this because I love you.

Take care of your grass.

Don’t end up with someone attracted to who you were when you were at your worst.

Grass baby. Green, green grass. St. Augustine grass. Lush and shit.

"You Straight?"

64395864_472704949940187_4987548605184212992_n.jpg

“You straight?”

A male friend told me that the last woman he dated wanted to wear the pants. She was pretty successful and he’s just regular dude. I asked him what happened to the relationship and he said they stopped talking. When I pressed him, he admitted that he just started to do that dude thing and basically kinda ghosted her.

He will probably be super single forever.

Makes me wonder about the woman however and if she’s dating a man yet who understands that yes, even as she is very independent and can do anything on her own, she definitely wants to know the man she is dating CAN be there for her without money being an issue and there are simply so few men whose egos won’t get the best of them as it relates to a woman THEY perceive, doesn’t need them.

And today’s single women aren’t out here pretending to be broke down so Captain Save-A-Ho can roll up and rescue them because they know that only happens in the movies. So it’s on men. Men are going to have to figure out how to be value added in a woman’s life and honestly, there are lots of simple ways. Drop her off at the hair salon and take her car to get an oil change. Change the air filters in the house. Vacuum the stairs because you know the vacuum is heavy. LISTEN to her when she talks and when she asks for advice, give her well-thought out advice which makes her always strive to continue putting her best foot forward.

In other words…don’t be a dummy and don’t say anything because you refuse to acknowledge that you are insecure about how to deal with a woman who doesn’t technically need you.

But I didn’t say any of that. All I said was…

“Aiight man, you straight? I gotta go.”

Rantings of a Creole Princess: Wrapped Wrong

I wake in the mornings softly most days. Robby brings me my coffee and I drink it in bed and read and watch the news. I then get dressed for the Y and I unwrap my hair and pull it up and out of the way so I can lay on the floor without my ponytail position bothering me. I work out for an hour, drink water and get back in my truck.

AND THAT DAMN LINE FROM MY SLEEP HEADSCARF IS STILL ON MY FOREHEAD!

Seriously.

Just wrapped wrong.

This is getting old man. All the elasticity just sapped out of your once supple skin. I mean really. This ish is for the complete birds! I wanna fight folks! I can’t read anything I hold in my hand unless I put on my readers and I’m always looking for a pair when I have damn near twenty pair since my sister is having the same problem and when she buys cute ones for herself, she buys cute ones for me. And, of course, all the super cute ones are long gone but the regular cute and the okay ones hide under the sofa, under the bed, etc. There are probably 5 pair on my bathroom counter right now but the pair I currently have on are crooked.

I have never been able to touch my toes but I’m trying to work on being more flexible. Why? I don’t wanna break a hip one day because I can’t move right. Crazy that this is something I am for real, seriously worried about now. I walk around asking my husband how much fiber he’s had and if he has had any fruit that day. It’s like all of the things you know you’re supposed to do just now become so much more important. You start thinking of food as medicine and as body repairers in ways you’ve never done before. I try my best to eat a tomato every other day to get some good lycopene in my system to help with anti-aging and I have used vitamin E oil on my face forever but now I know I have to use some vitamin C too so I use this pricey serum with vitamin C in it in the morning so I have that extra stuff too and seriously…THERE IS JUST SO MUCH INFORMATION OUT THERE that it gets sooooooooooooooooooooo overwhelming but hell…I’m vain. I’ve always been vain. I like to be cute so yeah…the kid is going to go down fighting. I mean, I’m not ever going to have plastic surgery done or anything but I’ll work hard at putting the right stuff inside my body and on my skin ya know?

IT IS OKAY TO BE VAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!

20190612_120355.jpg

So I get me a dragon fruit ginger lemonade to help with inflammation because that’s another damn thing I have to think about now. Flipping inflammation. I have heredity bags under my eyes. Always have. Now? If I drink a lil glass of wine I wake up and the contents of the glass are in big azz bags under my eyes. If I need to be super fresh face somewhere I have to go a full three days without any wine and hell…I enjoy my glass of wine with my dinner. I know it is bad to say I need that glass but I do. It soothes my soul. LOL!

And water. I’ve always been really good about drinking water and believe that’s the main reason I haven’t spontaneously combusted yet but now it’s like medicine for me. Oh…and I have to drink it all before 7pm because if I don’t I’ll have to get up too many times during the night to use it. It’s too much man. I have to plan out my coffee and water intake before going anywhere because man…that tiny bladder is deep and real and yall remember I have issues that I’m not working on so I can’t just roll up on any bathroom ya know? So I’ve made friends with all of the clean bathroom owners on my routes. LOL! No lie yall. No lie. I will bring a dozen of donuts to you and your employees every once and a while to make sure I have access to your restroom when I’m out and about. LOL!

20190615_123836.jpg

Primitive Trunk

On 28” pin legs!

I did have some fun with some furniture last week so that was cool. I turned this primitive trunk into something pretty awesome to store throw pillows in and I LOVE it!

I even sang a song about it. Wanna hear it? Hear it go!

I turned this old cedar wardrobe into something functional for a guest bedroom as a guest closet. I know the closet in my guest room houses my coats. Something like this would be perfect for a guest to use as a closet. It would house their towels and all the guest toiletries in case they need something you know? I think I’ve decided to put glass knobs on it. Nice, right?

And I’m turning this sweet dresser and matching nightstand into nursery furniture. The furniture was the baby’s mommy’s furniture growing up.

20190614_085200.jpg

My favorite part of my week outside of my home is early Friday morning. I’ve given up control over my hair to my hairstylist. I don’t want to do a darn thing to it ever again myself. She got me back on the right track with a good cut and I’m hoping with her care it will grow back to a decent ponytail by the end of the year. I have to be at my store by 10am so I get to her at 8am and she has me out of there no later than 9:15. And I’m cute for the weekend of personal activities with my family! See how that works out? GO ME! I’ll probably still get braids when I have a lot of new growth since I hope to get no more than 4 relaxers per year.

So I’m trying to eat well and drink more water than wine. Speaking of wine, my new favorite drink is 1 to 2 ratio of Tito’s vodka to Limoncello with a splash of tonic water and a lemon twist. It is so decadent and perfectly perfect for the summer! Just a crisp and cool drink! You should try it!

Okay…how old are you and what aging challenges are you dealing with right now? Have you figured some things out the rest of us need to know about? Yall got some hot flash secrets? Are you working out? Eating whole foods? Do you come home and immediately put on soft pants too? LOL!

WHATCHALL BEEN DOING? ANY NEW BABIES? HOW THE BABIES I “KNOW” DOING? HOLLA ATCHA GIRL!

Balance Beam

Mon GCW-508 (1).jpg

In an effort to start back doing more of the things I want to do so I can still enjoy doing the things I have to do for my business, I am going to start blogging again. I might not do every day but several times a week I should be able to do. ESPECIALLY with ridiculousness like Amanda Knox going back to Italy knowing them people don’t want her over there. And did yall see that Social Security is going to be deplete in 15 years? And Prilosec and drugs like it are killing folks by giving em heart and kidney disease! Any day now one of us is going to die in a monsoon the way this weather has been kirking up and yall…there are over a hundred dolphin deaths out here recently because they opened up a spillway and let in a lot of freshwater without thinking of what it would do to the ecosystem. Like…WHERE.ARE.THE.MARINE BIOLOGISTS? SHOULDN’T SOMEONE SOMEWHERE HAVE SAID SOMETHING???????????????????

Got into a debate about Creole gumbo versus Cajun gumbo recently and literally just stopped talking and said, “Okay.” I’m good on my gumbo.

Speaking of gumbo, I have new hours at my store so I don’t kill myself trying to do it all. It wasn’t doctor’s orders it was husband’s orders. Dude was like…why are you killing yourself?

AND I FELT THAT!

I tried to return my hair to natural and was on the journey for 7 months and then decided nerp…not for me. And I relaxed again. I just didn’t have the time it seemed necessary to dedicate to transitioning. And…I caused a LOT of damage trying to transition and had to get a good cut to level it all back out again properly. So I’m rocking a layer cut that looks like nothing in my day-to-day topknot. LOL! You know…cuz I don’t have time to comb relaxed hair either.

I’m making things pretty and having an amazing time doing so. Check out my Instagram to see most of my projects. Let me know if you need any help doing something on your own. I can help you out via messages or phone! WHOOT WHOOT!!!!! www.Instagram.com/ThatGumboLife

I’ll be 50 years old in September and I’m starting to really feel this getting old thing. Aging is just wrong to women. I can’t take this hot stuff. It is honestly taking it out of me.

I’ve moved my store to a bigger location and I’m always looking for real estate for my next move. It’s super cute and I enjoy being there. I just don’t want to be tied to it every single day. Work life balance is key for me to have what it takes to choose happy. If I don’t have it…I’m just grumpy. I was either busy or exhausted. Those were my two modes.

EW.

What’s been going on with yall? I honestly miss all the different perspectives on topics that come up in the news and in my life so I’m going to try blogging again. Not every day but certainly a few times a week when it just builds up so much I wanna snap. LOL! And I miss writing daily. Massaging that muscle really helps me.

"Everybody's Money Don't Spend the Same" - #GuestsDontPay

Screen Shot 2018-01-31 at 8.27.59 PM.png

Stop charging me to attend your celebrations — #guestsdontpay

I discussed this article with some friends earlier today.  One friend shared it with our group outraged because baaaaaaaaaby...this article is a mess.

It made me instantly feel some kinda way when I read it.  See, I know that...in the words of one of my Elders, "Everybody's money don't spend the same."  This means that you will probably have people in your life who you love who have more or less financial obligations, savings, liquidity than you do.  Because of this...I have always been the type of person who had no problem with throwing a party at my home so there was no financial obligation present for us all to enjoy spending time together.  

See...people are weak.  If you are invited to a dinner you know you can't afford to pay for, have the guts to send your regrets.  Simple.  You are not obligated to attend.  Your obligation should always be to how your money spends and nobody knows this better than YOU.  You can miss out on some shit.  Check Facebook or Instagram later.  Somebody will have posted some pictures and you'll feel like you were there.  Okay...that's bullshit...but still...use your damn words.  Be a grownup. It is very easy to say, I can't make it.  You don't have to give a reason why.  If the person is truly someone who loves you, however, I'd suggest letting them know that the reason you can't attend is because a night out isn't in your budget and I bet you, 9 times out of 10, they will figure out a way for you to join them to celebrate somehow.  Be it drinks after work soon or just lunch or dinner at the crib.

People who love you want to spend time with you.  Don't make it about money.  Say you can't go, but figure out something you CAN do together soon.

Stuff your pride and the ridiculous arrogance of this article in a hole out back somewhere.  Seriously.  Adult better.  Whine less.  Everything ain't 'boutchu.  Stop acting like it is.  Being a victim is sooooooooooooooo pre-Obama.

Love,

Monnie

The Perfect Marriage

I want what you and Robby have.
— Woman I Love

My husband and I have a pretty good marriage as it relates to what both of us consider makes up a good marriage.  There is no cheating and beating.  No being out and about all hours of the night without knowing exactly why, with whom and what for, no disrespect of any kind.  We support each other, take care of each other, cherish each other.  I love him and he loves me.  We are each other's TRUE best friend in that there is no other person on this earth that I can be around when I'm pissed with them and vice versa.

20171102_110302.jpg

I do Christmas pretty big as I love it.  It was always my father's favorite holiday and he passed his love of it down to me.  And I go HARD.  LOL!

Last Christmas, I was sick during and after Christmas.  I didn't remember that until it was time to start decorating for THIS Christmas however.  I started getting things out to decorate and was startled to find things just jumbled up and thrown together in a haphazard fashion.  Lights all tangled up, faux flowers bunched up and crumpled, holiday textiles all wrinkled, bows with ornaments, wrapping paper with wreaths.  Just ALL.FUCKED.UP.

AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!  KILL ME THEFUCK NOW!

It took so long to decorate because I didn't know where shit was.  Storage containers weren't labeled correctly, couldn't find the gotdamn outdoor extension cords, the fucking timers STILL haven't been found.

STILL.

Now...notice how this post has dissolved into full-on cussing after all that sweet shit up yonder?  Yup.  That's marriage, bruh.

Robby put Christmas away last year.  The Robby way.  Which is to just get the shit done in as little time as possible.  Just shove shit in where there is room, put the lid on it and stack the shit.  Cussing the entire time cuz, "DAMMIT, MONNIE, WE GOT TOO MUCH CHRISTMAS SHIT!  WHY THE FUCK WE NEED ALL THESE DAMN SANTA CLAUSES?  DO WE REALLY NEED TO KEEP THIS DAMN BOX?  THIS SHIT IS RIDICULOUS!"

So this year, Christmas was put away meticulously.  All containers were emptied and then organized and arranged in a manner which made perfect sense.  Decor for this tree in this container.  Decor for the next tree in the next container.  Lights rolled neatly and put individually into gallon sized Ziploc bags.  Bows with wrapping paper, ribbon, tags, tissue and gift bags.  Heavy stuff in the containers with wheels, outdoor decor in the clear containers so I can see them since I tend to do outside first.

I then stacked them neatly in the dining room and swept up the pine needles, glitter and random red sugared berries that fell off something.  Ready for my loving husband to put them back in the attic.

And they sat in there.

And sat in there.

And sat in there.

Until I no longer asked sweetly when would be a good time to put them away.  Until I had to stop, harden my voice and make a STATEMENT as to what needed to happen to them before the weekend was out.

And he went to play golf and came home without having a beer at the clubhouse because, "I knew I had chores to do."  And we put them away.  Neatly.  Organized properly. 

Today.

JANUARY 21ST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Almost a full month after Christmas.

There was, surprisingly, no cussing involved.  We simply did what we needed to do to get it done and now, he is showered and eating lunch upstairs in his football watching room, watching football.  

No shitting you...he has passed by me twice and given me a loving kiss and thanked me for cooking lunch.  Nothing at all out of the ordinary.  We just completed a mission and BAAAAAAAAAAAABY...he did that!

And I will probably bake some cookies or something later because I haven't baked anything since before Christmas and I know he loves warm cookies.

Tomorrow is a whole other day filled with cussing possibilities.  Yup.

20171210_131826.jpg

My husband and I are real with each other.  We don't pretend to be that perfect couple in front of people.  If cussing seems to be necessary...then cussing will happen. People who know us know to just look away.  No need to leave the room.  For what?  It's about to be over.  Just look away.

If I did something I shouldn't have done...he is the first person to be like...you know you were wrong for that right?  Right.  If I pass by his office when he's having a contentious conversation with someone, later on I'm like..."Did you feel like you handled that properly?" And, even though he will probably initially say, "YES!", later on he'll think about why I questioned him and consider it thoughtfully.  We work well for each other's conscious.  Thank God.  

When young people talk about marriage, I'm often surprised at how magical they think it's going to be.  Disney birds and shit.  No disagreements.  Ever.  And...if so...it's over.

Oh.

Women get a bad rap/rep when it comes to fairytales and relationships because I find that some of the most gregarious offenders of that belief are men.  Men seem to think that a woman is supposed to serve them, keep the house pristine, go to work and make money and take care of all the things the kids need after the woman has carried the child for 9 whole months doing the work of bringing the life they made together into the world.  

For the past two weeks or so?  We've been getting dressed out of the guest bedroom where all the clean clothes are piled on top of the bed.  What?  That's what that room is for when there are no guests on the horizon, right?  TRUST ME THAT THIS IS THE CASE IN HOUSEHOLDS ALL OVER THE WORLD. And if it ain't that way in your house...so.  Do you!  LOL!

Male framily: What’s that beeping?
Me: The oven. Robby is on his way home and I like dinner to be hot when he gets here.
Male framily: You a good wife.
Me: It’s easy to be a good wife when you have a good husband. My schedule is largely my own. He doesn’t EXPECT dinner to be ready when he gets home and, after all these years, he still appreciates that it is. But...if he came home and I suggested he make us grill cheese sandwiches for dinner while we watch a movie on the sofa...guess what we’d be having?”
Male Friend: I’m the man of the house. My wife needs to do what I say do!
Me: You her husband. NOT her father. And, truth be told, even if you were her father, who says you can’t learn something from someone younger than you from time-to-time?
Woman: A man need to be able to afford me!
SIP: Chile...YOU can’t afford you or what YOU think you should have access to.
Woman: There’s no spark. He so square. He wears mom jeans.
SIP: Oh. Okay.

I said all that to say...people got some shit with them that they take into relationships.  Unreasonable shit.  Fairytale shit.  And...a lot of them have never witnessed a successful marriage of any kind so they don't know what to look for.  Some women will tell other women that all men cheat.  Why?  Because all the men THEY have dealt with have cheated so they lump their experiences in with their determination that all men must cheat just because all men have cheated on them.

SIP:  Sounds like you have a type.

People don't like to hear stuff like that.  They don't like to think that perhaps their relationship problems are solely THEIR problems.  They need a brush stroke to justify it.  And...if it's not happening...the marriage must be PERFECT.

Some of the nastiest breakups I've ever seen have to do with money.  And not how you're thinking either.  A woman meets a man.  She's not all that attracted to him.  The man ain't stupid...he knows she's out of his physical looking league.  So...he buys her stuff.  She knows how to hint and hint well.  And he picks up on the hints knowing FULL WELL what game they are playing and buys her what she's hinting at.  Or...pays for what she wants paid for.  But see...for men...money is personal.  If he's spending money...it ain't cuz he's a nice guy.  He's putting deposits on shit she thinks she will be able to ration.

Giggle.

That shit always goes left.  Why, if you've made the relationship about money, are you EVER surprised if he starts thinking of you as someone who will exchange sex for things?  Shouldn't be a surprise there.  You drew that diagram.

Men...if you're pimping a woman you know you're not interested in for money and Kingly treatment while you wine and dine the hotel desk clerk on your business trip...why are you ever surprised that she snapped and went CLEAN-T.THE.FUG.OFF?  That woman has invested in you and now the stock market has crashed and she's out of the game like Bernie Madoff with ZERO RETURNS ON HER INVESTMENT.  She wasn't crazy when you met her.  She behaved accordingly once she realized she'd been played by your azz.  You need to take whatever is coming and yeah...she might try and cut you if you've shamed her in front of people who respect her.

This shit ain't new.  Folks got some fugged up azz thoughts on what a relationship is supposed to be.  Folks got this all twisted.

There are no perfect people.

There are no perfect marriages.

What we have is simply love and respect.  All else could be suspect based on who is looking in.  It might be odd as hell to you to hear some MF's slung around this motherfucker one minute and find us on the sofa reading the same article laughing our azzes off the next.  

To you...that might be some schizophrenic crazy shit.  To us?  That's just us and yes...we are STILL perfect for each other with our imperfect, bat-shat-crazy azzes.

Yall keep waiting for perfect ya hear?  That's going to be a long, lonely, confusing road to stay the course on with a whole lot of random azz people you gotta keep starting over with.  Marriage ain't supposed to be perfect but you're supposed to learn each other better daily until you are to the point where you consider each other before you do anything.  Will this hurt him/her or us?  Should I discuss this with him/her first?  Will this disappoint him/her?  

Yup.  That's marriage.  And yes...it can get janky quickly if you have jerk tendencies.

20171104_094817.jpg

$25 Engagement Rings and Things

kay5.jpg

When you're trying to be careful using mobile data while out of the country, you tend to miss a lot that goes on because you're not on social media as much as you are when you are NOT roaming.  I have a few friends whose pages I go immediately to in order to catch up on what went down while I was offline.  I was over on Tiger Bush's page when I read something about a $25 engagement ring.

I re-read that.

Oh...I didn't read it wrong.

Not a $250 or a $2,500 or a $25,000 engagement ring...but a $25 one.

WHERE THEY DO THAT 'ET?

So I asked Mr. Google about it.

Oh.

And I read the comments all up and down-t the internet.

Oh.

I guess.

But my two cents is that...we all know that everybody's paper "don't spend" the same. 

What is wrong with having expectations for the best of everything and wanting a good life? Why we can't want it all? It's not like we're going to go postal if we don't get it...but wanting it all Is okay, right? When folks keep the bar low attempting to manage their expectations...it only falls lower. $25 rings today. Woman buying her own ring and doing the proposing tomorrow.

SIP: Aren't they already doing that?

Me: Right.

I jokingly quote Robin Harris all the time when I say, "I want everythang I'm 'sposed to git." But I promise I mean it. I want it ALL. That is my expectation. If it doesn't happen, I won't die, as evidenced by my struggle with infertility, but damn if I don't want EVERYTHING ELSE. I want as big a life as my breathing can encompass and my wallet can handle. I want it ALL. Pretty stuff. Funny stuff. Jazzy stuff. Gray stuff. Bright pink stuff. Shiny stuff. Dull stuff. Denim, silk, pearls, diamonds, leather, canvas, need batteries, wired, books, notebooks, writing pens, pencils, movies, music, planes, trains, cars, jelly beans, almonds, chocolate, puppies, E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"I WANT EVERYTHANG I'M 'SPOSED TO GIT!"

Sneakers cost more than $25. You are not supposed to be keeping time with anybody who can't afford the basic necessities. What gives them the right to even think they CAN holla at you? Why don't they have any expectations for their own lives? Who is holding them accountable for being that damn deadbeat? NO.NO.ANDHELL.NO. There is a natural progression of life. If you missed a step...start over. If you are arrogant enough to not think you need to restart to get better at something...then enjoy your TV dinner on your tray alone. You ain't 'sposed to be married.

If my husband had acquired a ring and not have had to come up out his pocket...kudos to our soon joint bank account. This is the same as with a family heirloom. Grandmother's ring? Yes, please! But if said ring was only worth $25 Imma go with naw. And I certainly would never want a girl child I love to have an engagement ring bar lower than what she pays for one of Rhianna's lipsticks. And I also take into account age. First dates at 18 to McDonald's? Cool. At 28? You already know. What kinda man is cool with this? The cheapest video game cartridge seems to be $39.99. I love you, I am not accepting that ring. You are not placing appropriate value on our future as husband and wife. Two months salary is the industry standard so you can use that as a guideline.  If you live in an area like DC or NY where less than 6 figures is for real considered lower income, you can't do that because the cost of living is so much higher so save up.  Whatever you can realistically save for two months, maybe three?  Good.  Get a part-time gig, a hustle, something.  Save up.  A 10-year-old child can save up enough to buy his mommy a $25 ring for Christmas  off a $10 per week allowance .  Your grown behind should be able to save up too.

A $25 engagement ring.  

AS.

IF.

I want everythang I'm 'sposed to git. That should be EVERYONE'S mantra EVERYWHERE. STOP MAKING YOURSELF SMALL TO ACCOMMODATE SOMEONE'S TOO SMALL LIFE.

Skipping Christmas. Kinda.

20171226_182516.jpg

Every year for Christmas, The Robinator and I say we're going to travel NEXT year for Christmas.  We claim it's because it is entirely too much work to say we don't have kids.  We decorate the house inside and out (I get ridiculous with like 4 trees), host a party, do beaucoup gifts, and make sure my nephew has a Christmas to remember.  (The kid gets TWO Christmases...I mean really...where they do that et?)

I cook a prime rib dinner, set a beautiful table and wear myself thin.

So you can see why we thought skipping Christmas would be okay today.

Well...when we started talking about it...our family started kirking out...

"No Christmas?"

"Wait, so yall not hosting a party?"

"What about gumbo?  You still gonna make some gumbo?"

"Wait...Christmas game night tho!"

"None of Robby's eggnog martinis?????????  YALL.FOOLS.TRIPPING."

The noise got so loud, even though we'd book the trip, we had to have Crunk Christmas early.  *sigh*  These people...

Everybody left Christmas Eve and we packed and were on the road to the airport for a 5:30am flight Christmas Day!

It was soooooooooooooooo nice.  We did EVERYTHANG!  LOL! We had amazing meals, tea, shopped, did the true tourist stuff, got jiggy at a fancy bash, and just had the most amazing time ever.

So much so...we think we're going to skip Christmas again next year.  LOL!  But don't tell our family.  They be tripping.

 

A Little Bit of Christmas!

I will ALWAYS love Christmas.

I hope.

Are you ready?

DIY Chalkboard Menu Board

20171217_165959 (1).jpg

I bought this frame and cut a thin piece of wood to fit the back of it. 

20171217_160432.jpg

I spray painted that with chalkboard paint, attached it using velcro dots (because I plan on using it for art later) and wrote out the menu for our cocktail party.

20171217_181818.jpg

It's currently hanging in the dining room over the buffet!  

I totally need to practice writing with chalk.  LOL!

By @Sunshynknits for ME!!!!!!!

Me: Can you make me a sleeveless cowl with an asymmetrical hem that is fitted like a vest that I can wear over a long sleeve t-shirt and not be cold or under a coat but not get too hot?

Susan: Um...I've never made one before but sure! Let's do it!

Also me: I want it to be chunky but with really good yarn stuff so it's soft and not itchy.

Susan: Yarn stuff...Monnie you funny. Color?

Also me too and again: Oatmealish. Me no likey itchy.
Baaaaaaaaaaby...when I tell yall how happy I am with my oatmealish chunky really good yarn stuff vest thingy...I can't even begin! GO ME!

GO SUSAN! YOUR TALENT BLOWS ME ABSOLUTELY AWAY! THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU! And thank you for all of my other goodies too!

Contact her via www.Instagram.com/sunshynknits if you're looking for something amazing like this for yourself or as a gift! Or let me know and I'll connect you!