Randoms of a Creole Princess

I was contacted by an oracle.  Wonder if he already knew what I was going to say before I said it?

I tend to hold my breath when I'm concentrating and only just noticed that I do this.  It freaks me out when I realize I'm doing it and then I do the breathing technique from yoga.  Weird as hell.

I've been playing with makeup more and sometimes it's really, really funny.  LOL!

I got a deep trim last week and my hair feels brand new all over.

Whenever I start thinking I drink too much coffee...a new study comes out that says drinking too much coffee is a good thing.

I continue to believe that there is nothing new pajamas can't make better.

I get the most frustrated when poor or lack of communication creates an issue.

I planted purple and yellow flowers for Mardi Gras.

Mardi Gras is over.

Is it too early to put the Easter wreath up?  I put my Spring one up but I can't find my wreath hooks so um...erra...it's on a snowflake hook.

*GIGGLE*

A friend told me to put coconut oil in Jaru's food for his dry skin issues.  I was skeptical at first but did it and he loves it and scratches less.  

But he's eating up all my damn coconut oil.  Humph.  I use that on my hair dude.

I read an article about how to drink less soda if you can't give up soda.  One of the suggestions was to drink a mix of half soda, half water.

I don't drink soda but if I did...I wouldn't do that.

I love the bank's convenience of being able to deposit a check using the app on your phone.  That is seriously the best thing ever.  LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT!

I can't find that wow factor we're looking for and I has the sads.

I was taking meds for my ADD (finally) and it helped me focus but I didn't have fun anymore and it broke out my face.

Yall already know I stopped taking that cuz really...REALLY?  I'm vain as hell.

Homeowner's insurance costs out this way are giving me the blues.  SEVERE blues.

My indoor plants are acting like they like me again.

The only place I can buy fresh cut flowers is the Winn-Dixie.  The lady is so nice too.  I talked to her this weekend and she'll start taking my suggestions for what to order.  I wanted some flowering branches so she got me some in yesterday.  GO ME!  Imma play with them today.  Or tomorrow.  Soon as I go get them cuz Winn-Dixie is thataway and I never go thataway unless I want flowers from Winn-Dixie and it's raining and I never think about flowers when it's raining.

I need new sheets.  I have two sets of good ones that I alternate on our bed and well...it's time for new ones.  I've been researching the best sheets to buy and am confused.  It was so much easier when Martha Stewart had us believing thread count mattered.  Since that has been debunked...lawd...I don't know where to start!

I will say that the sheets I use on the guest bed are from Land's End and I'm ALWAYS impressed with the condition they are in so...maybe I'll start there this time.

I saw a woman cuss her child out like the child was grown and had done something really bad to her.

That made me so sad.

Jeb Bush huh?  NO MORE BUSHES!

I'm not crazy about more Clintons either.

Last night I had an extra dirty martini with three olives using Russian Standard vodka.

I felt like a boss.

But then I decided to follow it with a bottle of water and well...I kept having to get up to use the bathroom reminding me why I try to drink all my 64 ounces of water before 7pm.

Jaru glared at me for waking him up every time I went to the bathroom.  He's getting evil in his old age.

Shit...me too.

I just heard thunder and I'm sitting by the windows.  Yall know I'm moving right?

I hate when people I adore lose a parent because I know that pain and I know it's not a pain that's going to get better anytime soon.  I feel so helpless when that happens knowing I can't help at all.  

*sigh*

Shelly and Coley went to Universal in Florida and went to Harry Potter land.  It was so awesome she couldn't tell me about it cuz I didn't want to know cuz I want to go SO.BAD!!!!!!!!!  Robby?  Not so much.  LOL!

What's going on random with you?

Fug 'em!

I can't tell you enough how to not worry about people who aren't worth worrying about.  Every second you spend on them is taking away from you being the light you need to be.  

FUCK.

THEM.

Do you.

And smile because you're genuinely happy.  If you're not happy...don't smile.  That fake ish is for the birds.  Tweet...tweet!

Is the Box of Pictures a Thing of the Past?

The other day I ran across my fabric box of pictures and sat down on the floor with my legs crossed and looked through them.  The memories in that box were so sweet.  

Then...I went looking for our photo albums and did the same.  Just flipped through and smiled, laughed, etc.  and I realized...I miss photo albums.  That's one of the things that instagram and Facebook made go away.  No more photo albums or shoe boxes filled with pictures in random order which make you laugh and smile.

And cry.

It has seriously been YEARS since I had pictures printed so I'd have my work cut out for me if I tried to go back and do it...but...I think I might have to.  From now on, I think I'll put a folder on my Cloud just for pictures I want to print out and then maybe every few months or so...I'll take a thumb drive with the folder on it in to Target to get the pictures printed out.  Yeah...I think Imma do that.  I don't have a problem with flipping through pics online or on the computer but I really enjoyed holding them in my hand not knowing what pic was coming up next.

There are services where you can send your online photo albums to be made into a book...but I love it when an Elder either makes a copy of a picture for me or let's me take a picture to have a copy made.  You couldn't do that with those books.

But I guess it's a thought.

Do you keep up with photo albums?  How often do you print out pictures?  Have you fallen way behind like me?

Me Caught the Flu

And all the reports telling people it's no joke are correct.  It is NO.JOKE.

Now...I don't know if it hit me so hard and so fast because I'm missing the lymph nodes under my left arm because of my mastectomy or if this strand of flu runs over everyone quickly but I was feeling fine, got on a plane and halfway through my flight was NOT feeling fine.  I got the worst headache and then my chest started burning and I started moving real, real slow.  Like...my entire body hurt even my scalp.  It was tender to touch.  I pressed down on the soft part of my shoulder where it starts curving into my neck and it felt like I'd had one of those sports deep tissue massages.  NOT.FUN.

Now here's the part that annoyed the pig ish outta me.

So I called the airline to change my flight.  Told them what was going on and that the doctor would fax them whatever they needed to know that I really had the flu.  I'd passed out on the damn plane coming here so they had an incident report and I'm thinking that's all it would take.  The agent told me that sure...I could change the flight but that I'd have to pay change fee plus difference in cost of new flight.  Now...I'm feeling some kinda way because I'm sick and trying to not infect other people.  Well...I ended up snapping and told the woman that I had absolutely no problem whatsoever getting on that flight and going home to be sick in my bed at my home.  Not ONE problem because there is nothing more miserable than being sick AWAY from your own bed and home but I was trying to be socially responsible and not infect two plane loads of people and anyone I came in contact with at two airports including airline staff but she should probably check with her supervisor first to make sure that was her final answer.

Then the supervisor came on and tried to make it seem like she was doing me a favor by changing the flight and not charging me.  That pissed me off even more.  I'm like...ma'am...don't act like you're doing me a favor because you're not.  You're doing the right thing.  I mean really.  

So I started thinking about it and that's how we all get sick on them damn planes.  They show no mercy and a lot of people either A...don't know how to stick with them and be firm enough to get what they want out of the conversation or B...don't have the money to pay extra.  That change could have possibly cost about $500 extra.  

NO.

Airlines should figure out that the least sick people on planes spreading FOR REAL sick germs is a big deal and do something about their policies regarding.  I mean...that's just all the way wrong to not do that.  According to the first lady I spoke to, if I'd shown up and looked not fit for flying, they would have done something there but I'm like...that's bullshit.  I'm not getting up, dressed and packed to PROVE to yall that I'm sick when I can have my doctor send you a note saying so.  I'd still come in contact with other people and I'd run the risk of making myself sicker messing 'round getting up and out.

I hate non-logical stuff.

My fever this morning is down to 99.9.

The headache is gone.

Body aches still in place.

Cough is crazy bad.

But I feel better.

When's the last time you had the flu?  

Have you ever been sick away from your home?  That's a special kind of misery huh?

A Love Note to My Best Girlfriend

Kneipp Herbal Bath Valerian & Hops Deep Sleep

I haven't been in a good place for a while now even though I've been trying to power through it.  Those who truly love me know this and have been being patient with me and my shit.  I can't explain what it's like being around me when I'm not me you know?  See...being me is this powerful ball of energy and light.  I can always find the best of it all and have a good time no matter what.  When you have access to me regularly you kinda get used to that so being around the absolute opposite spectrum of that for months on end can take a toll on you.  You can start forgetting the good bits of me because they are so far from the surface.  When I'm quiet it can be a struggle to find words to fill in the gaps and, those I love love me for all the right reasons.  Not because of what I have done or can do for them.  Not because of people I know or places I go.  Not for anything other than the feelings they get being around me.  The love they know I willingly share and can sometimes cloak them with.

Christmas Eve arrived with my not having purchased a single thing for anyone or even food for the dinner party we were hosting.  I kept meaning to start.  I kept picking up my keys, my wallet...I kept being inactive.  Robby decided that he'd go with me to help make it all happen and we did so even after having a family emergency health scare.  

I'd made lists of what I wanted to do and of what I had every intention of doing but lists mean nothing on Christmas Eve when the lines are long the shopping scare because of location and because the rest of the world has completed their lists and have their fabulous gifts wrapped under the trees waiting to exchange their thoughtfulness with those who deserve their thoughtfulness.

Me?  I did what I could knowing that we had guests arriving at 6:30pm and my menu consisted of standing prime rib roast, a natural ham and all the trimmings and fixings and Lord...all I truly wanted was my mommy and my daddy and my brothers and tree with trimmings and blue and silver decorations and noise and noise and noise and hustling, bustling and noise, noise, sweet glorious noise of happy and excited children and parents.

I craved noise in the silence of our life.  In a life without chaos.  With complete order around me at all times.

The pace I set for myself on Christmas Eve was crazy and only a crazy person would do it but I didn't want to let anyone down so I made it all happen and it was good.  It was a good thing.  We ate, we drank, we were merry.  I snuck away to wrap gifts for those in attendance.  Gifts my depression forced me to make do with and they all smiled politely and oohed and ahhed properly because that's what people who love you do.  They look at you knowing the truth of who you want to be.  Who you would be if you could just push past it all.  All the demons and disappointments you've allowed to heap on you and beat you down into a tiny bit of the tiniest of all you are and you smile with them knowing that this is the greatest gift they could ever give you.  That they could see through it down into the heart of who you are and not judge  you solely on today and not take it personally and not make your shit about them.

Because it's your shit.  It's my shit.

And it's only about me.

And you use that to do things that would be humiliating to some with your stats because you know it will always be a struggle to do what you love.  But you do it with a smile and a pleasant attitude so you're unthreatening.  So you can have access to those you need to have access to in order to get to that next step.

Depression can fuck up so much and sometimes I wonder if it's really the thing that gets you or...is it the circumstances of it all that brings the depression to you.  And that makes me think too deeply about the cause of it all.

My best girlfriend is one of God's most precious gifts to me.  For Christmas, she gave me the most awesome of the awesome things.  A box of them really.  A box of awesome that seemed to never stop.  Everything was magical.  One thing after the other.  Thoughtful things that she hoped, wish and probably prayed would get me back to being me.  The kind of stuff others would never get me because well...they don't GET me.  

A box filled with relaxation, good sleep, warm feelings and guilty pleasures.  

Her gifts are always so amazing and why I will always buy her things for no reason...just because I saw it and thought of her.

Last night, after a long four days, I used one of the gifts and took a hot bath.  I got into bed with the television on a thirty minute timer and I snuggled up next to my Robinator.  I was asleep within 5 minutes.  A deep, relaxing almost comatose sleep.  Satisfying.

When I got up this morning, I stretched languorously and felt the power I often feel flowing through my body as I'm planning out my next steps and moves.  As I'm shaking off that doubt that shows up sometimes even though I know perfectly well what I'm capable of.  I laughed at the things that happened this week.  The nail in my tire.  My husband in the driveway at 5:00am in the morning changing the tire.  My pumping gas in the dark standing there with cold rain sliding down my face making the cold colder.  The makeup I don't wear breaking me out.  My hair being damaged by someone who doesn't know how or care how to be gentle with my hair.  The noise, the noise, the noise.  The constant back-and-forth reaching out for something I know I can see.  The lines when I DON'T.DO.LINES.

On this day I'm so grateful for my best girlfriend.  That she GETS me even when the knowledge of who I am at that exact moment makes her want to strangle the shit out of me.  I'm grateful she knows that when I'm lost...I haven't forgotten who I am...I'm just struggling to get back there.

I'm grateful that I have no ego about many things others would have.

I'm grateful that I know how to use my resources, even the simple one of being a cute girl, properly.

I'm grateful for my husband, the perfection that is truly him as he props me up, no matter what, with his strong shoulders and pushes me outside my comfort zone so he can watch me, once again, fly.

I'm grateful for all those who love me.  The ones who aren't put off by the unanswered phone calls, texts and emails.  The ones who don't take it personally.  The ones who don't try to make my shit...about them.

Because it's not.

I love you.

I love yall.

Sometimes, however...I have to tuck in and rebuild and that's hard to do.  So very, very hard.