Rantings of a Creole Princess: Wrapped Wrong

I wake in the mornings softly most days. Robby brings me my coffee and I drink it in bed and read and watch the news. I then get dressed for the Y and I unwrap my hair and pull it up and out of the way so I can lay on the floor without my ponytail position bothering me. I work out for an hour, drink water and get back in my truck.

AND THAT DAMN LINE FROM MY SLEEP HEADSCARF IS STILL ON MY FOREHEAD!

Seriously.

Just wrapped wrong.

This is getting old man. All the elasticity just sapped out of your once supple skin. I mean really. This ish is for the complete birds! I wanna fight folks! I can’t read anything I hold in my hand unless I put on my readers and I’m always looking for a pair when I have damn near twenty pair since my sister is having the same problem and when she buys cute ones for herself, she buys cute ones for me. And, of course, all the super cute ones are long gone but the regular cute and the okay ones hide under the sofa, under the bed, etc. There are probably 5 pair on my bathroom counter right now but the pair I currently have on are crooked.

I have never been able to touch my toes but I’m trying to work on being more flexible. Why? I don’t wanna break a hip one day because I can’t move right. Crazy that this is something I am for real, seriously worried about now. I walk around asking my husband how much fiber he’s had and if he has had any fruit that day. It’s like all of the things you know you’re supposed to do just now become so much more important. You start thinking of food as medicine and as body repairers in ways you’ve never done before. I try my best to eat a tomato every other day to get some good lycopene in my system to help with anti-aging and I have used vitamin E oil on my face forever but now I know I have to use some vitamin C too so I use this pricey serum with vitamin C in it in the morning so I have that extra stuff too and seriously…THERE IS JUST SO MUCH INFORMATION OUT THERE that it gets sooooooooooooooooooooo overwhelming but hell…I’m vain. I’ve always been vain. I like to be cute so yeah…the kid is going to go down fighting. I mean, I’m not ever going to have plastic surgery done or anything but I’ll work hard at putting the right stuff inside my body and on my skin ya know?

IT IS OKAY TO BE VAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I get me a dragon fruit ginger lemonade to help with inflammation because that’s another damn thing I have to think about now. Flipping inflammation. I have heredity bags under my eyes. Always have. Now? If I drink a lil glass of wine I wake up and the contents of the glass are in big azz bags under my eyes. If I need to be super fresh face somewhere I have to go a full three days without any wine and hell…I enjoy my glass of wine with my dinner. I know it is bad to say I need that glass but I do. It soothes my soul. LOL!

And water. I’ve always been really good about drinking water and believe that’s the main reason I haven’t spontaneously combusted yet but now it’s like medicine for me. Oh…and I have to drink it all before 7pm because if I don’t I’ll have to get up too many times during the night to use it. It’s too much man. I have to plan out my coffee and water intake before going anywhere because man…that tiny bladder is deep and real and yall remember I have issues that I’m not working on so I can’t just roll up on any bathroom ya know? So I’ve made friends with all of the clean bathroom owners on my routes. LOL! No lie yall. No lie. I will bring a dozen of donuts to you and your employees every once and a while to make sure I have access to your restroom when I’m out and about. LOL!

Primitive Trunk

On 28” pin legs!

I did have some fun with some furniture last week so that was cool. I turned this primitive trunk into something pretty awesome to store throw pillows in and I LOVE it!

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I even sang a song about it. Wanna hear it? Hear it go!

I turned this old cedar wardrobe into something functional for a guest bedroom as a guest closet. I know the closet in my guest room houses my coats. Something like this would be perfect for a guest to use as a closet. It would house their towels and all the guest toiletries in case they need something you know? I think I’ve decided to put glass knobs on it. Nice, right?

And I’m turning this sweet dresser and matching nightstand into nursery furniture. The furniture was the baby’s mommy’s furniture growing up.

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My favorite part of my week outside of my home is early Friday morning. I’ve given up control over my hair to my hairstylist. I don’t want to do a darn thing to it ever again myself. She got me back on the right track with a good cut and I’m hoping with her care it will grow back to a decent ponytail by the end of the year. I have to be at my store by 10am so I get to her at 8am and she has me out of there no later than 9:15. And I’m cute for the weekend of personal activities with my family! See how that works out? GO ME! I’ll probably still get braids when I have a lot of new growth since I hope to get no more than 4 relaxers per year.

So I’m trying to eat well and drink more water than wine. Speaking of wine, my new favorite drink is 1 to 2 ratio of Tito’s vodka to Limoncello with a splash of tonic water and a lemon twist. It is so decadent and perfectly perfect for the summer! Just a crisp and cool drink! You should try it!

Okay…how old are you and what aging challenges are you dealing with right now? Have you figured some things out the rest of us need to know about? Yall got some hot flash secrets? Are you working out? Eating whole foods? Do you come home and immediately put on soft pants too? LOL!

WHATCHALL BEEN DOING? ANY NEW BABIES? HOW THE BABIES I “KNOW” DOING? HOLLA ATCHA GIRL!

Broke Back

Two weeks before Thanksgiving, I was in a rush to complete some pieces for Small Business Saturday at my shop.  I was rocking and rolling and went to pick up a deceptively heavy piece of furniture.  Nothing I haven't done before, I just picked it up wrong.  I picked it up so that the drawers were away from me and they slid out, quickly, and pitched the forward.  I felt something "give" in my back and the pain started radiating immediately.  I couldn't pick up my right leg or stand up.  I slid to the ground and rolled over on my back with my knees bent and my feet on the ground.  It was the only way I could find any relief.

Actual pic of me on ground waiting on The Robinator.

The Robinator was in his office on a series of conference calls before he had to go to the office and, since my phone was in my pocket, I slipped it out and called him sounding really calm.

Robby:  Hello?  (sounding like...WHY YOU CALLING ME FROM OUTSIDE???????  YOU KNOW I'M BUSY!!!!!!!)

Me:  Heyyyyyy (sounding all casual like I'm just shooting the shit)...when you have an opportunity, can you come outside and help me with something?

Robby:  Yeah, okay, okay...in a minute.

So...I did what any red-blooded American with a smartphone in their hand would do.  I surfed Facebook until he showed up.  Snapped a few pics.  You know...the norm.  LOL!

He came out about 10 minutes later casually strolling.  When he saw me on the ground, his face registered mild confusion because hey...sometimes I just sit or lay on the ground...I'm country but when he got closer and I told him that I'd messed up and he saw the dresser on the ground near me haphazardly, he started moving faster.

I couldn't move.  The pain was getting worse.  He carried me upstairs because, I wasn't about to go to the doctor looking like I was looking, called the doctor and rushed me in.

Link Taylor piece that took me out.  Old super heavy, super well-made nightstand.  Humph.

Doctor determined it was a bad sprain.  Yall...I couldn't move my right leg without severe pain and screaming.  He suggested I get a steroid shot.  I declined.  He gave me some anti-inflammatory meds and muscle relaxers.  Silly me, I thought muscle relaxers were pain pills.

They aren't.

After waking everyone up screaming a few times in the middle of the night because I was trying to turn in my sleep, I called the next morning for pain meds.

I was told that my doctor doesn't prescribe pain meds.  To anyone.  Of any kind.

Wait, what?

This has been our doctor for 3 years now.  Neither of us have needed pain meds for anything.  But baaaaaaaaaby...if we need pain meds...DAMMIT...WE WANT PAIN MEDS.  So I did my thing I do when I'm trying to get what I want and or need.  After going around and around, turns out, the truth is that our doctor (ex-doctor cuz yeah...no) doesn't have a DEA license so he CAN'T prescribe pain meds.

Oh.

And this is how the opioid crisis ends up affecting us.  When we were in for real serious pain...we can't get pain meds. I was incensed.

Once I got some pain meds and was able to start stretching without that severe pain, I started moving better.  The worst part, however?  The drive to and from Houston for Thanksgiving at my sister's house.  SO TERRIBLE.  And the pain meds made me toss my cookies so I had to take half doses after eating two chewable Tums to coat my stomach first.  My body was so filled with foreign stuff I never take that I looked and felt completely different. 

When we returned home, I stopped taking everything to flush out my system even though my back still hurts. I can't deal with that hazy, super swole feeling and truly don't know how anyone can.  So I'm doing yoga, stretching and, to quote The Robinator, "sit your azz down somewhere and stop doing stuff!"

But see...that's hard for me.

The Robinator has not let me pick up anything heavier than my toothbrush.  He has been the most hilarious nursemaid the world has ever produced.  Let's me know what I'm in for as we grow old together.  *sigh*  Pure comedy. 

The whole, no DEA license thing was news to me and something I guess we all need to be aware of with our doctors.  People like us aren't trying to score drugs so to leave us in pain because a doctor CAN'T prescribe something to take us out of pain is just WRONG.

Humph.

Did yall know about the DEA license thing?  Would you use a doctor as your primary care doctor who didn't have one knowing that if you really hurt yourself he/she couldn't get you out of pain using pain meds?

Have you ever hurt your back?  What did you do to fix it?  Do you still have problems with it after you hurt it the first time?  Or did it completely go away?

Plant Based Starting Point

Okay...so we OFFICIALLY started today.  I was out of town the first two days of the month and wore the hell out yesterday so we couldn't start until today.  Traveling is hard enough with a gluten free diet so chances of my doing plant based successfully were slimmer to noner.

SIDEBAR...

Why in the world aren't there more healthy options in airports?  

Okay.  Moving on.

Today's menu:

Breakfast:  Oatmeal with fruit, walnuts, and flax seed.

Lunch:  Salad with kale, spinach, avocado, cauliflower, carrots, tomatoes, olives, 4 bean salad and sunflower seeds.  I made a dressing with olive oil, red wine vinegar, apple cider vinegar, fresh pressed garlic, seasonings.

Snacks:  4 pieces of fruit and two solid handfuls of raw almonds.

Dinner:  Lentil Vegetable Soup

I modified the recipe because it seemed a bit bland.  I added two 10 oz. cans of Rotel tomatoes and green chilis instead of the can of roasted tomatoes and I put in 9 cups of vegetable broth instead of just 8.  I wanted it to be more soupy.  Oh...and I added more spinach.  Why?  I like spinach.  Duh.  LOL!

I seasoned it well and yall...it was pretty darn delicious and it made a really big pot so we can get about 6 more bowls out of this pot.  I think we'll do it for dinner two more times this week and freeze the rest.

I did some calculations regarding protein and that's going to be a challenge I'm thinking.  To find out how much protein you need to multiply .36 times your weight.  If that's what you want to maintain...you'll come up with how many grams of protein you need to do so.  According to my calculations, I'm off by about 12 ounces today.  I'll do better tomorrow.

Robby loved the soup too.  I need to fix his protein intake too.  

Again...the soup was GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

Pause...Why didn't YOU tell me?

At peace buying plants!

There are lots of things I've missed out on not having my mother in my life during my adult years that I could have really, REALLY used.  I've learned how to manoeuvre through life without her knowledge, however, and I continue to keep it moving.  This new thing however??????????    

I don't know how I'm going to get past it.

Men...check out now.  This ain'tcha genre.  You've been warned.

I've always had pretty basic Midol Weeks except for in the past when I've had a ruptured fibroid going on.  I used to be able to basically set them by clockwork.  They came ever 31 days and two days before I'd get PMS.  Cranky boots.  Tender boobs.  Water retention.  Backache.  Salt cravings (Lays Plain potato chips), etc.  I go about my business like all other women and make it do what it do.  I used a period tracker when I was trying to get pregnant so I knew when I was ovulating even as I had very painful ovulations and knew exactly what was going on when it happened.  After I wasn't trying anymore, I kinda let that go.  

A few months ago I was feeling really, really weird and messed around and asked Mr. Google one too many questions and determined that I might have Lupus.  It was two weeks after my regular Midol Week so it never occurred to me that it could be another Midol Week.  So yeah...Lupus.  I was seriously about to make a doctor's appointment when I had visual evidence that yeah...prolly not Lupus.  But I was way confused because I thought I'd just had a cycle.  I didn't know for sure since I wasn't tracking it but I thought so and I remembered other things like packing for a trip two weeks prior and having to take supplies so yeah...two weeks.  I told a friend who laughed and laughed and laughed at my "lil 'bout of Lupus" turning out to be Midol Week.

Again.

Thirty-one days later...Midol Week started up and, TWO WEEKS AFTER THAT...another one.  Now, at this point I'm thinking I must be crazy so I started using a new tracker:  Clue  

I like Clue.  It's easy to deal with and figure out.  BUT...Clue clearly thinks all this is crazy.  Like...Clue is so confused.  Clue is not here for this.  Clue thinks I'm inputting incorrect information.  LOL!  Clue is about to delete itself from my phone for making a mockery out of the awesomeness it has been accustomed to being.

My doctor says there is nothing wrong and that this is all normal for a woman my age.  Even when I shared with him that I get night sweats two nights before Midol Week no matter the length of that particular cycle so I know it's coming.  He just stared at me blankly like..."Yeah...and?  What do you want me to tell you?"

With these crazy cycles I'm a full, solid two pounds heavier than ever and, no matter what I do, I can't drop it until AFTER Midol Week is over completely.  Because of this, I'm my normal size for basically three weeks every two months.  LOL!  On my frame...that's a lot.  It definitely shows in my jeans and yoga pants.  I get crazy migraines before and after and well, twice a month for a year was bearable but now it's like six ever two months and well...those extra migraines are a hot, fonky fried mess.  I'm currently sitting here in shorts, a sports bra and a fleece jacket that I have zipped up.  I had it open an hour ago and before that...I had it completely OFF.  I used to only have to buy light and regular supplies.  Now?  Hand me them super doopers playa.  My already tiny bladder has clearly shrunk by about 50% of volume.  I can't drive from the house to Target without REALLY NEEDING TO GO TO THE BATHROOM WHEN I HIT TARGET!!!!!

Crazy talk.

I hadn't had any wine during Lent and had some this past weekend.  The wine made me too hot.  THE WINE MADE ME TOO HOT.  That might end up being the death of me.  

Oh...and during Midol Week, my ankles swell.  Had me on a plane once thinking I was going to need compression socks.

And again...my doctor says it's all normal for a 46-year-old woman.  He says some women go into perimenopause and stay there for a long time before it sorts itself out.  He says that if it's unbearable he can give me some drugs that might help but I'm of the mind that I put enough drugs in my body when we were trying to have a baby so yeah...I'm good with sitting around with a fonky azz look on my face as long as I can sit alone, in the cold, without a lot of talking going on.

Things that used to not annoy me now VERY MUCH ANNOY ME.  My people-ing skills now take significant prep time to be put on deck.  And, more than ever, I truly only want to do what I want to do.  I'm totally growing into one of those people who have a Zen garden with one of those rakes to make designs as meditation.  The only time I'm at complete peace is when I'm playing with flowers or digging in the dirt or on the sofa with The Robinator and the doggies (but only if they are NOT on top of me if I'm hot).

I said all that to say...these are things you don't really talk about out loud with folks until it is something you're dealing with and then...with only a few folks mainly your mom.  If she's not there...you gotta use another trusted source even as you know that everybody is different and will react to something this major...differently.

I'm totally going to do this without drugs because the side effects of the drugs used to treat these symptoms scare the plum piss outta me.  One Elder scared me so bad...she got me planning to start running as she says that it's the only way to keep the weight around the middle off by sweating A LOT via exercise.

I hate sweating but hell...I sweat sometimes just sitting.  LOL!

Now I understand the pink talcum powder puffs my mother and all her girlfriends had back in the day.  Hell...I'm looking at Shaq in the Gold Bond powder commercials with a steely glint in my eye.  I might need to incorporate some of that soon.

And I thought getting used to my gray hair was going to be the problem.  UGH!

Yup...it's like that.  These are the worst of times.  Getting used to this new normal is going to take some doing.  LOL!  Yet another reason to keep my baby wipe hand strong.

Plant Based Creole

When's the last time you asked Mr. Google a question and found that there was no assistance whatsoever in populating the search results?  Hardly ever right?  Right.  So...imagine my surprised when I typed in 'PLANT BASED CREOLE' and found straight crickets.  LOL!

Now...let's backtrack here so you know where this came from.  The Robinator has decided that he wants to train for another marathon.  I was like...cool.  Go you!  Then he was like...I think I want to train plant based.

Me:  Um...

Him:  Check out www.NoMeatAthlete.com and tell me what you think.

So I go and I read and I'm like...UGH but then I'm thinking...if he really wants to do this, I guess I'll have to help him.  I downloaded the app, Forks Over Knives, and placed a hold on the book of the same name on Overdrive because some smarty pants had checked out all copies from my library.  UGH!

And I kept reading and then I started remembering onefromphilly talking about how good she feels doing plant based and I thought to myself...hmmmmmmm...

Okay...now I'm real particular about food.  I like good food.  Bacon is the best thing ever in life.  And ribeye's grilled on the charcoal grill.  And lawd...CHICKEN.WINGS.

But I want to be supportive and I seriously doubt that this is something you can do without the support of your spouse.  I mean...The Robinator isn't about to start cooking.  You know that.  I know that.  He knows that.  

I gave up wine for Lent this year and I've stuck to it.  It wasn't as difficult as I thought it would be.  You can do anything for 40 days right?  So I started thinking that maybe I could try the plant-based thing for 30 days just to see how it goes.  And...if I can't stick to it, certainly I can do my middle meal non-plant based if need be so I can still support him by doing something plant based for dinner right?  I mean, I want to do it the right way so he has enough protein to train and yeah...again...I can always grill a steak for lunch so I don't have to eat it in front of him.

In looking for recipes I came up with nada Creole initially and that made me giggle.

All that said, for the month of April, I'm going to try and go all plant based foods to see how it goes.  It can't hurt and I'll learn some new recipes, hopefully, that I like and figure out how to make it work for him while he trains.  A whole month of plants only.

This should be interesting.

Lemme go figure out that app.  It even makes the grocery list for you so yeah...that's gonna be nice.

Have you ever tried it for any length of time?  Would you?