"Again"

It was one of those days you know.  The kind where it's all still and muggy but with a breeze that was cool...moving the leaves in one direction all at once and then still.  The rain started in a light mist and it felt good against my skin so I didn't move.  I just sat there and when it started raining harder, I still sat there, glued it seemed...to the spot.  Trapped in my memories of what could have been.  Of what should have been.  It wasn't until the rain stopped that I started thinking about moving and even then the wind still blew rain on me.  A welcoming cool mist in the mugginess of it all.

I got up and went into the house, which was eerily quiet because I liked it like that.  I hardly ever turn on the television anymore because I don't like the sounds.  I like to hear it all.  Feel it all.  Be in the moment to deal with whatever comes my way because I'm not distracted.

And all I seem to think about is you.

So I called you.  

Again.

And it went straight to voicemail.

Again.

And I didn't leave a message.

Again.

And then went to the computer and checked to see if I had an email from you or a message or even to see if you'd written a status message and that's when I saw you'd been tagged in a picture and the location said...Castro de Barona.

And I was confused so I clicked straight through the pictures of the person who'd posted 59 pictures, 6 of them featuring you but who had a name that wasn't really a name and a picture of a landscape.  And on their info page was their email address which I put into Mr. Google and learned the person had a profile on Cafe Moms so yeah...I kinda knew it was a woman.

And I joined Cafe Moms and checked the comment history and still didn't find any pictures or names or anything that told me anything other than she was intelligent and a mother.

And that she was fascinated with ancient ruins.

Of which I knew Castro de Barona was.

And the tears pooled up in my eyes just as my breath ran hot and I sat on the floor so I didn't wet the sofa and I cried in the quiet darkness.

Again.

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