I was in Target the other day doing what we all do in Target...roam around looking for ish to buy with that red sale dot that we don't need to buy but it's super cute and it's on sale and well...it's really, really cute and really, really cheap.

Yall know how Target sets us up for failure. Humph.

Well...I rounded a corner and saw this:

Patio umbrellas? Rugs? 50% off? I AM SO HERE FOR THAT!!!!! I snapped a quick pic and sent it to Robby and then to my sister because I knew she'd been looking for one. Then I sent it to a few girlfriends in the event they were too. I mean...I NEVER find umbrellas for 50% off. The most I ever see is 30% off. I AM HERE FOR A SALE! I'd been saying we needed to get one but then I was like...do I need to add to the stuff we have to move soon but again...for 50% off...NO.BRAINER.

So I made my decision wisely. Picked a nice neutral color, rustproof, etc. Basically...I got the most expensive one they had. Why? FIFTY PERCENT OFF DAWG! OH YEAH!

I'm damn near skipping to the register. The young lady scans it and I note the price didn't reflect FIFTY PERCENT OFF DAWG!!!!! OH YEAH! Me...the signs say 50% off. Her...um... So, I show her the picture. She makes her light flash. Manager comes over. Manager leaves. Manager comes back, hits a few buttons and makes the umbrella price FIFTY PERCENT OFF DAWG! OH YEAH!

Manager: It's supposed to only be the rugs but it's not your fault.

Me: *BLINK* So...it's NOT fifty percent off (no caps)?

Manager: *sigh* No. They were supposed to separate the rugs from the umbrellas and only put the signs on the rugs.

Me: Damn. Sorry. So...

Manager: Enjoy your umbrella.

And I drove my cart out slowly, hesitantly. Dragging my feet. Called Robby. Told him.

Him: FIFTY PERCENT OFF DAWG!

Me: (getting excited again) Yup!

Him: AWESOME!

So I came home, put up my new patio umbrella, made me a good lunch and sat outside to enjoy it under the lovely new shade created by my umbrella which was FIFTY PERCENT OFF DAWG!

And then the flies came.

It was hot as hell.

I dropped my damn big piece of chicken swatting away flies cuz know what else likes damn shade outside in the damn heat? YOU GUESSED IT! FLIES! DAMN FLIES!

I had to change clothes cuz it was really humid as hell outside and the big piece of chicken was barbeque and now I had a damn stain on my t-shirt AND my shorts where the damn chicken rolled down and then I had to go out and get a damn fly trap cuz seriously??????? I HATE FLIES! I HATE FLIES! DIE! JUST DIE!!!!!