Racial Fatigue: Become friends with the monster...

I'm a cancer survivor, an infertility survivor and a child abuse survivor.  In other words...life has dealt me a few blows that I've had to work really hard at overcoming.  This disease that I can't seem to overcome unscathed however?  Racial Fatigue.  I'm about to topple over from this shit.  Seriously.  It's too much.  Everyday there is more ish and people figure out how to rope all kinds of ish into it to make every.single.thing about race and how Black people ain't shit, weren't ever shit and never gonna be shit and lawd...I'm so over it.  I'M SO OVER IT.  

I watched that video of that football player who punched the chick at the bar.  When I first saw the video I was like...damn...he shouldn't have hit her like that.  But then I read the story and I understood.  She called him THE SLUR before she hit him and he was trying to keep her hands off him and then he just snapped and laid her azz clean the fug out.

I UNDERSTAND.

I don't want men hitting women.  Duh.

I don't want women hitting men.  Duh.

BUT GOTDAMMIT I'M SICK OF MOTHERFUCKERS THINKING THEY CAN GET REAL SLICK WITH THIS RACIAL ISH AND THINKING THEY ARE ON THE LANDING OF TARA GOING WITH THE WIND AND SHIT.

There are signs out here with that damn flag on it saying, "Keep the flag, change the speaker."  Like...them signs popped up the next day of the current flag controversy.  Nice signs.  PROFESSIONALLY PRINTED SIGNS.  Somebody sat down at their computer immediately and designed that gotdamn sign and then saved that shit to a thumb drive.  Then they went to a PROFESSIONAL SIGN PRINTER and had them damn signs printed up.  Approved the proofs.  AND PAID FOR THEM!  Stands and all.  Then...they knew exactly where they could put that shit up and be like...THEY COOL WITH IT.  I KNOW.  You spent all that time and all that money promoting something which symbolizes hate and oppression to so many people.  Just don't give a fug huh?

JUST DON'T GIVE A FUG.

JUST DON'T GIVE A FUG.

And Black people ain't no damn better.  Fools running around here talking about they trotting out Bill Cosby to distract you from Charleston, that damn flag and racism.  GOTDAMMIT WHY THE FUG I CAN'T THINK ABOUT MORE THAN ONE THING AT A TIME?  WHY THE FUG YOU GOTTA TRY AND LIMIT ME TO ONE THING AT A TIME?  OH?  I AIN'T BLACK ENOUGH CUZ I HAVE THE BANDWIDTH TO BE OUTRAGED ABOUT MORE THAN ONE THING AT A TIME?  Cosby been raping and all these damn fools know he drugging folks but still slurping his jello shots.  

People mad at Black fashion bloggers cuz they just talking 'bout fashion.  Well shit...that's what they blog about!  Don't assume that just because they aren't deviating from their chosen business message that they don't talk about these issues in their personal life.  I mean hell...how many businesses yall know out there polarizing folks and surviving?  Them damn bakeries that refused to make cakes for gay people are OUT.OF.BUSINESS.  Ain't nobody got time to mix up their money behind systematic shit bigger than life.

SHIT!

I was called a racist by a stranger behind that damn flag.  Me.  A racist.  Okay. *YAWN*  Rat bastid quick to say some ish like...THAT'S REVERSE RACISM! 

SIP:  SHUT.THE.FUCK.UP!

And Donald Trump?  And all these damn Republican candidates tipping around not saying anything conclusive setting up a pick for Jeb Bush so he can trot out his Latina bride as a stop gap?  Yeah...we see you Jeb.  We see you.  I gotta hand it to you...that one was perfect.  

So yeah...I'm suffering bad from Racial Fatigue.  Bad man.  I'm so sick of and tired of this ish.  I'm tired of the disparities I see from my vantage point.  I'm tired of the for real serious wrongs that folks turn a blind eye to.  I'm tired of feeling like there is nothing I can do no matter what I do.  I'm tired.  I'm tired.  I'm tired.

There is nothing I can do about how individuals think, of course.  I can just continue to be me and see something, say something when I feel like it.  I've always surrounded myself with good people without focusing on visual differences.  I always try and see it from all sides but I'm tired.  I'm so very, very tired.  This is how people become hermits.  This is how people just start collecting dogs, cats and reading books.  Tipping out every now and then to buy fruit salad in a can running their grocery carts into the back of people cuz they are just trying to get outta there and back to their home/haven as quickly as possible.

This climate is a moral sickness we're all suffering from and the antidote lies within our hearts.  Empathy.  That's all we need to start using.  Empathy.

"I'm friends with the monster that's under my bed.  Get along with the voices inside of my head.  You trying to save me stop holding your breath.  And you think I'm crazy, you think I'm crazy! Well that's not fair!"

Me Make $25 Accent Table from Ross Purdy!

I was in Ross and ran across this table:

It was blah.

Then I stopped at Lowe's and bought some paint:  Rust-Oleum Bright Coat Metallic Finish, Gold  

Then I took the top off the base and spray painted it.

And then I put the top back on it.

And then I like it.  :)  

GO ME!

I seriously miss having projects and home improvement stuff going on.  

"Compound" on Wattpad

A deed to a luxury beach home. A title to a brand new car. A cashier's check for one million dollars. We've all been hurt a multitude of times and most things too good to be true generally are but what if they are given in secret to right past wrongs? What if the worst of your life was evaluated and payment was made to soften all those blows? But payment from whom? For what ills? And what does accepting payment bring?

I was cleaning up my works in progress files and ran across something that made me excited again because I finally figured out something I was trying to figure out.  LOL!  See...you kinda get stumped when you're free flow writing something and don't have a plan.  So yeah...figured out the reason for a very big why and, like I said, I'm pretty excited about it.  GO ME!  

Wattpad is the site that discovered some of the big fanfiction based hits like "50 Shades of Grey", etc. and they are having a writing contest that I think this story is a good fit for.  I have until the end of August to finish it and I'm going to try and do it.

Please check it out over on Wattpad.  If you use the app, it alerts you to whenever the stories you are following are updated by the authors.  They have some really good writers and books too so poke around and discover some new stuff...FOR FREE!

If you don't mind voting for each chapter you read and following as well, that would be great.  You can also comment over there and ask questions if something was confusing.

Thank you in advance!  COMPOUND

FIFTY PERCENT OFF DAWG!!!!! GO ME!

I was in Target the other day doing what we all do in Target...roam around looking for ish to buy with that red sale dot that we don't need to buy but it's super cute and it's on sale and well...it's really, really cute and really, really cheap.

Yall know how Target sets us up for failure.  Humph.

Well...I rounded a corner and saw this:

Patio umbrellas?  Rugs?  50% off?  I AM SO HERE FOR THAT!!!!!  I snapped a quick pic and sent it to Robby and then to my sister because I knew she'd been looking for one.  Then I sent it to a few girlfriends in the event they were too.  I mean...I NEVER find umbrellas for 50% off.  The most I ever see is 30% off.  I AM HERE FOR A SALE!  I'd been saying we needed to get one but then I was like...do I need to add to the stuff we have to move soon but again...for 50% off...NO.BRAINER.

So I made my decision wisely.  Picked a nice neutral color, rustproof, etc. Basically...I got the most expensive one they had.  Why?  FIFTY PERCENT OFF DAWG!  OH YEAH!

I'm damn near skipping to the register.  The  young lady scans it and I note the price didn't reflect FIFTY PERCENT OFF DAWG!!!!!  OH YEAH! Me...the signs say 50% off.  Her...um...  So, I show her the picture.  She makes her light flash.  Manager comes over.  Manager leaves.  Manager comes back, hits a few buttons and makes the umbrella price FIFTY PERCENT OFF DAWG!  OH YEAH!

Manager:  It's supposed to only be the rugs but it's not your fault.

Me:  *BLINK*  So...it's NOT fifty percent off (no caps)?

Manager:  *sigh*  No.  They were supposed to separate the rugs from the umbrellas and only put the signs on the rugs.  

Me:  Damn.  Sorry.  So...

Manager:  Enjoy your umbrella.

And I drove my cart out slowly, hesitantly.  Dragging my feet.  Called Robby.  Told him.

Him:  FIFTY PERCENT OFF DAWG!

Me:  (getting excited again)  Yup!

Him:  AWESOME!

So I came home, put up my new patio umbrella, made me a good lunch and sat outside to enjoy it under the lovely new shade created by my umbrella which was FIFTY PERCENT OFF DAWG!

And then the flies came.  

It was hot as hell.  

I dropped my damn big piece of chicken swatting away flies cuz know what else likes damn shade outside in the damn heat?  YOU GUESSED IT!  FLIES!  DAMN FLIES!

I had to change clothes cuz it was really humid as hell outside and the big piece of chicken was barbeque and now I had a damn stain on my t-shirt AND my shorts where the damn chicken rolled down and then I had to go out and get a damn fly trap cuz seriously???????  I HATE FLIES!  I HATE FLIES!  DIE!  JUST DIE!!!!!

So I picked a cute one. (THIS ONE) That could hang from my new umbrella.  And then maybe I could enjoy the damn thing.

Now that I think about it...it just might be jinxed.  You know...cuz it wasn't FIFTY PERCENT OFF DAWG!

*sigh*

go.me. (no caps)

Has this ever happened to you?  Did you feel guilty?

Pool Party + Police = Dammit I'm tired hell!

When I'm at a pool, I act a donkey's butt.  I love pools.  I'm not around pools often so when I am...WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE!  SPLASH!  AND WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE SOME MORE!

When I was a teenager and around a pool?  YAAAAAAAAAAAAS!  SPLASH!  SPLASH!  SPLASH!

Kids and teenagers act like kids and teenagers around pools.  Pool parties are not tea parties.  Nobody is sitting around with their pinky out messing up some crumpets.  They are fun and loud and filled with laughter, music etc.

That's what goes on at pool parties.

Now...I don't know who the hell, what the hell nor do I know all the hells...but this nonsense regarding calling police on kids really needs to stop.  Call the parents.  Unless you FOR REAL feel like your life is danger...don't call the police on kids.  For a few reasons.  First off...we've all been kids.  We've all done really stupid things as kids.  Things we would never do today.  It's called maturing.  Most of us seem to do that pretty well with guidance from our Elders.  Getting police involved in silly teenager ish just seems silly.  Police have enough on their hands dealing with FOR REAL crime and criminals.  A pool party getting loud?  COME ON PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!  Think about the pool parties you've attended...how many of them were in the library?  How many of them were filled with quiet people reading books?  The best pool parties of your life...did anybody get shot up?  Anybody died?  Was their looting?  Mass murder-ation?    Was there straight up debauchery going down?  (Well...there prolly was.  Yall know there is always a group of at least three girls in heels with the itty-bittiest of bikinis on stunting on land cuz they AIN'T getting in the water...)  LOL!  N.E.WAY!!!!!!!!!

Pool parties.

Yeah.

So...what was going down wrong?  Well...according to what I've read, the party was at the community pool of the subdivision.  According to HOA rules...each household can only have 2 guests.  Well...according to the young lady who threw the cookout/pool party...most of the attendees were residents of the subdivision and they'd all attended school together.

But the young lady could have said that because she was reminded of the HOA rules.  Now...let's backtrack here...I'm on the phone currently with Dr. Punkin and I just said...well...you know if we were teenagers rolling around and somebody called us and told us such-and-such was having a pool party what would we do?  

Dr. Punkin:  Go to the pool party!  

Me:  Yup.  Her mama make good potato salad!

And we laughed because really...that seems to be all you can do these days when something like this comes up.  You discuss, find something to laugh about and keep reading about it  cuz really...da hell we gonna do about it?  We know how we feel about calling police on kids.  It's not something we do unless we honestly felt our life was in danger from a kid.

Now...community pools have rules so yeah...you gotta do what the people say do right?  AND...if you want to have a party...your HOA should have guidelines you can follow to be allowed to do so right?

Right.

Okay...so...there were Black kids and White kids at the party...but the only kids being targeted were Black.

When I first saw the video the volume was turned off.  I saw this policeman roll on the ground like he was doing a stunt for a movie and start running after kids.  I then saw other policemen acting like policemen should act and turned on the volume.  They were TALKING to the kids trying to figure out who should be there and who shouldn't.  One police officer was basically telling the kids to not take off running when they see police and I'm thinking...um...I don't want any parts of kids being around police with guns so I don't want them running either.  I'd prefer they backed away slowly and got home SAFE.

Yup.

The dude leaping through the sky like a ninjacop?  He was totally doing the most-est-er-est.

But hey...back to the pool party people.  No weapons are being concealed in bathing suits.  Bathing suits worn by KIDS.

It seems that some people chilling at the pool took issue to all the kids being at the pool.  They were chilling.  Nice day for the pool.  Hell...they pay for that pool too you know...and here comes a bunch of loud kids cutting the fool at their pool.  Now...had the kids been kids they were familiar with it makes you wonder if they'd just look up annoyed and say something along the lines of..."Stupid kids" and left to grab lunch out or just open a bottle of wine and chill out at home.  You never ever know.  

But...if the teen's account of one of the women telling them to go back to their Section 8 housing is accurate...well...I'm not surprised things got out of hand.  I'm not surprised tempers flared.  I'm not surprised it turned into a racially driven situation.

Now...the young lady on the ground?  I'm feeling some kinda way about that.  Why he needed to even touch her was beyond me.  I mean...I guess more is going to come out about it all...but yeah...a 15 year old girl in a bikini isn't a threat worth responding to with physical violence.  When she sat up and started hitting her words by popping them into her hand with the other however?  I knew it was gonna go down-t soon.  She was emphasizing that her mother was going to handle this ish with the swiftness.

I kept watching hoping she'd stop talking.  Hoping it wouldn't escalate.  Hoping that nobody would get killed.  

Someone sent me a message asking if I'd seen the video and what my thoughts were regarding.  I told him that honestly...it just made my already tired heart even more weary.  

Just like a few good kids can spoil a pool party for everyone...just as a few jerky adults can spoil relationships between kids and adults...ONE weirdo acting cop made all the rest look bad even though the other cops seemed to be doing the right thing.

But...what do we do?  What can we do?  I'm sitting here about to finish reading my book.  If yall think of something EFFECTIVE besides my writing about it...let me know.  

Oh...and don't call the police on kids.  Call parents on kids unless you feel your life is in danger.  Don't make a kid jaded too soon.  Kids?  If a police officer tells you to do something...do it.  Get home safe.  The adults who love you will sort it all out once you're home safe.

Thanks in advance.

THOUGHTS?????