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Christmas Grief...Does it ever get better?

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The other day I was in Target picking up a few things for stocking stuffers.  I was thinking about our dinner guests and considering putting together stockings for each of them if I could find the right size stockings.  The stocking couldn't be traditional stocking size because it would take too much to fill up for that many people and the only other size I could find were stockings to fit gift cards which were way too small.

So then I started thinking about maybe just doing stockings for the kids and I was roaming around Target slowly with a basket trying to figure out what would be the best options.  I was trying to think of what I knew about each kid specifically so I could put something personal just for them in their stockings.

I stopped at the nail polish section and saw several gift sets of polish and grabbed the Essie Holiday Mini Gift Set and then picked up a few emery boards making my way down the aisle.  I saw some other stuff too and kept moving down the store aisles until I got to the stocking stuffer section and my eyes fell on a Slinky.  I smiled and grabbed a couple and then, of course, some new Pez dispensers because Christmas stockings are never complete without a Pez dispenser according to my mommy.

And that lump that always starts in my heart started it's slow ascent up to the top of my chest right under my throat and I started trying to swallow it back and swallowing and swallowing and swallowing.  I didn't want it to rise in Target because I knew what would happen if it did.

My phone rang and I answered it.  It was one of my dearest framily members.  She asked me what I was doing and, still swallowing, I told her I was shopping for stocking stuffers.  Then she started talking and I was so grateful that she called right at that moment because listening to her and swallowing...pushed that lump back down to where it lives.  Constantly.

When she finished talking I thanked for calling when she did and told her she stopped me from completely losing it in Target.  She understood because she has the gift of empathy and understanding.  

She's a good egg.

We talked about how my mommy loved putting together our stockings and how she always seemed to find just the right little trinkets to put in it no matter what.  I'm talking little things no more than $1 or so that just really brought you joy because it was just for you.  I try to do the same and take my time picking out things I put in the stockings I make for people I love.

Because it's the way my mommy did it.

My framily and I continued talking until I was well out of the store and, even though my sadness didn't leave, I felt a bit better.

Later that night, The Robinator and I were talking and I told him about it.  He then asked me does it ever get "better" and I told him that...no...it never does.  The passing of time dulls the ache for extended periods but that sometimes the suddenness of that lump rising is outside of your control.

No matter what.

It's never NOT hit me during the holidays.  I suspect that will remain true for a lifetime.

What about you?  Those of you who've been left behind by someone you loved with all of you...has it ever NOT hit you during the holidays?  Have you learned how to push through it?  What are your coping mechanisms?  

 

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Southern Comfort Cake Recipe!

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18-1/2 oz. yellow cake mix
3-1/4 oz. package instant vanilla pudding mix
1/2 cup Southern Comfort
4 eggs
1/2 cup cold water
1/2 cup oil
1 cup chopped walnuts or pecans (I prefer walnuts.)

Glaze: 
4 T. Butter 
1/8 cup water
1/2 cup granulated sugar
1/4 cup Southern Comfort

This is a super easy one bowl cake recipe that I've been making since I was tall enough to use the hand mixer and see into the bowl.  LOL!  It's truly delicious.  I've used both regular yellow cake mix and gluten-free yellow cake mix and it's delicious either way.  

Combine cake ingredients in a large bowl and beat at a medium speed for 2 minutes. Pour into a greased and floured 10-inch tube or 12-cup bundt pan. Bake at 325ºF for 1 hour. Carefully invert on rack and cool for about 30 minutes.  Place a plate under cake and cooling rack and prick top repeatedly with toothpick.  

To make glaze, melt butter in saucepan. Stir in water and sugar. Boil 3 minutes, stirring constantly. Remove from heat and stir in Southern Comfort.

Brush with glaze.  If you lose a lot of glaze and it drips to the plate, remove that plate and add another plate.  Use the glaze from the first plate to continue coating the cake. 

IF YOU WANT TO...sift 1 teaspoon of powdered sugar over cake.  For Christmas time it's really pretty.  You can use cookie cutters to make snowflake designs if you'd like.  Just set the cutter on the cake lightly and hit the sifter once or twice over cutter and repeat.

I send these to Robby's office in Plain Cake Boxes which I buy from Michael's (Remember...never, ever, EVER go to Michael's without visiting their website first for a coupon.  They usually have one of those FABULOUS 40% off coupons and you can just show it to them on your phone!).  I also buy the 10 inch cake rounds to put the cake on before putting it in the box.  I think I get 10 in a pack for like $4.  I also print recipe cards with the recipe printed on them for him to put next to the cake in the event anyone wants to make it at home.  It's usually a MAJOR hit! 

Merry Christmas from us and our Black Blow Up S.E.X. Doll

Phi Delta Theta holiday photo sparks controversy

Who thought this was a good idea?  Nobody said...hey...wait...about that black blow up s.e.x doll...let's not take a pic with it.  

NOBODY?

For the Holiday card.

SERIOUSLY?????????

Stop doing stuff like this and please tell your kids to not do stuff like this too.  

*sigh*